I had a full day today met with a friend and her two children. The museum was packed but the kids did pretty well.
Every holiday I try to make an effort to spend time with the girls. I have fond memories of events I did with my
relatives on the holidays. But there are also the horrible memories of drunken violence. This often happened during the joyful season....Oh my the past. I no longer have to dwell on it.
I jumped on the carousel after the museum. It went spinning around the girls were laughing. Watching them laugh and have fun
with simple pleasures is enjoyable. The fog rolled in later in the day chilling us back into our homes.
As the evening wore on Y came home talking of work. Most of the time at night I wont talk with him about his work. All he engages in is work till around 12 at night and then he collapses. He has started a new business which is taking time to make profits.
Being around him these days is difficult. It is like walking on broken glass entering near his world.
Tonight he began one of his rages. I wasn't able to detach and had to leave the home before things got ugly.
I am praying for myself tonight and him. His behavior forces me to work my program deeper.
This is not who I am the insults he throws at me. It's embarrassing to write this on my blog but this is where I am at in life.
back to step One....I am powerless. What choice do I have in this situation? I feel sicker than the qualifier tonight
Practice compassion for where I am.
Worrying now about New Years Eve and his antics during the Holidays. Let go let god
Gratitude
1. HP is there for me
2. Alanon will never abandon me
3. I have tools
The unpleasant things other people say or do have no power to destroy my peace of mind or ruin my day unless I permit it.
Do I allow myself to respond to the words of a sick person as if they were the ultimate truth?
2 comments:
Reading your post, I keenly felt for you. And I felt my version of what you have described: drunken violence in the past... spending fun time with children recently... leaving the house before things get ugly... not being the insults thrown my way...letting myself acknowledge and respond to nonsense.
That you're honoring where you are at and moving on to working the program deeper, is inspiring to me. I can't predictably manage that yet. And that you're sharing it lets me know I'm not so alone. More so, that there really is hope, always. I appreciate your closing reminder and question, too.
I haven't gotten as far as you have - to the workings of solutions or renewed solution. I have such a hard time getting past the disheartening aspect of a thing, but am getting better.
Joining you in prayer for all of us and all of our qualifiers.
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