Thursday, April 26, 2012

time for rest

Feeling like nesting up in my room reading blogs. I have lemon saffron chicken cooking on the stove for an elderly friend M. She is ninety one years old and having some leg problems serious leg problems.
There is no salt in this recipe as she can not have one grain it would cause her great harm.
So what better way to enjoy food without salt than to have lemon sauce it up.
She is struggling M such a dynamic woman. She was an artist got her start in the Black Mountain College then headed out to the west after her first husband died in the War.

We met in Yoga. She had been attending the class for twenty years. I admired her determination. She was funny and could handle cussing.

The meeting tonight was serene. I went up to a new woman and introduced myself. It's important to reach out to the newcomer. This is what keeps my program alive sharing  experience strength and hope.
It feels nice to have something valuable to give to others. The only requirement is to have a relative or friend
affected by alcoholism.

I am grateful for my life. It is full and varied. Feeling a full range of feelings is freeing me one day at a time.

Tonight I will pray for M she is a wonderful lady.

Sharing this incredible bread pudding recipe from Tartine.
I believe you will enjoy this recipe yourself!

Tartine Bread Pudding

Brioche Bread Pudding Recipe
Recipe by Elisabeth Prueitt and Chad Robertson from Tartine, makes 6 to 8 servings
6 brioche slices, cut 1-inch thick
8 large eggs
3/4 cup sugar
4 cups whole milk
1-1/2 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
For the Caramel Sauce, makes 1-1/2 cups
2/3 cup heavy cream
1/4 of one vanilla bean
1-1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup water
1/4 tsp salt
2 Tbsp light corn syrup
3/4 tsp lemon juice
4 Tbsp unsalted butter
Making the Brioche Bread Pudding
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
Butter a 9×5-inch glass loaf pan [or an 8x8-inch glass baking pan, which worked perfectly fine].  Arrange the brioche slices on a baking sheet. Place in the oven until lightly toasted. Remove from the oven and set aside to cool.
Tartine Brioche Bread Pudding
Crack the eggs into a mixing bowl and whisk until blended. Add the sugar and whisk until smooth. Add the milk, vanilla and salt and whisk until completely blended. Pour the custard through a fine-mesh sieve.
Place the toasted bread slices in the prepared loaf pan, cutting the slices to fit as needed. Pour the custard evenly over the bread, filling the dish to the top. You may not be able to add all of the custard at this point. Let the mixture sit for 10 minutes, so that the bread can absorb the custard.
Tartine Bread Pudding
Just before baking, top off the dish with more of [leftover] custard if the previous addition has been completely absorbed. Cover the dish with aluminum foil, place in the oven, and bake the pudding for about 1 hour. To test for doneness, uncover the dish, slip a knife into the center, and push the bread aside. If the custard is still very liquid, re-cover the dish and return the pudding to the oven for another 10 minutes. If only a little liquid remains, the pudding is ready to come out of the oven. The custard will continue to cook after it is removed from the oven and it will set up as it cools.
Let the pudding cool for about 10 minutes before serving. You can serve the bread pudding by slicing it and removing each slice with an offset spatula, or by scooping it out with a serving spoon.
Tartine Bread Pudding
As I have mentioned above, the bread pudding can be served topped with seasonal fruits in delicious caramel sauce. While the bread pudding is cooling, peel and slice a couple of peaches. In a medium pan, warm the peaches together with some blueberries and raspberries or other fruits in season in Tartine’s caramel sauce (recipe below).  Top the bread pudding with the warm fruit-caramel mixture before serving.
If you have left over bread pudding, the cookbook suggests chilling it, slicing it, and frying it as you would French toast.
Tartine's Bread Pudding
Making the Caramel Sauce
Pour the cream into a small, heavy saucepan. Split the vanilla bean in half lengthwise and use the tip of a sharp knife to scrape the seeds from the pod halves into the cream. Place over medium-high heat and bring to just under a boil, stirring occasionally. Reduce the heat to low to keep the cream warm.
In a medium, heavy saucepan, combine the sugar, water, salt and corn syrup. Use a good-sized pan because the caramel will boil vigorously and the volume will increase dramatically as soon as the hot cream is added. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring to dissolve the sugar. Then let the mixture boil, without stirring, until the mixture is amber colored. Watch the sugar mixture carefully as it cooks to avoid burning the sugar. From the time the mixture started to boil, it took over 15 minutes to reach an amber color. Remove from the heat.
The mixture will continue to cook off the heat and become darker, so make sure to have the cream close by. Carefully and slowly add the cream to the sugar syrup. The mixture will boil vigorously at first. Let the mixture simmer down, and then whisk until smooth. Add the lemon juice and let it cool for about 10 minutes.
Cut the butter into 1-inch chunks and add them to the caramel one at a time, whisking constantly after each addition. Then whisk the caramel periodically as it continues to cool.
Pour the caramel sauce in an airtight container such as a glass jar and store in the refrigerator. This will keep for up to a month.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Woke up early to the cooing of a turtle dove. I find myself spinning these days and digging into my program for relief. Yesterday drove to an out of town meeting.

I feel very less than and want others to fix me. For this to happen I must sacrifice to fix them first then I wait for the pay back. The end result never happens like it should for me part of the disease of Alanon.
Detaching and letting god take over the reins of the chariot. The program will be there even when I cant be there for myself.
Words like these make me feel better more whole less needy. I don't have to fix the world and feel so unept at it. Everyone has a HP and I am not God.

Loving myself and learning to accept with all my flaws.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Zucchini PancakesMakes 12 pancakes
For the pancakes
3 medium zucchini, shredded
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
3 large eggs, beaten
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
1 cup crumbled feta cheese
3 scallions, thinly sliced
1-2 tablespoons finely shredded fresh mint
1 teaspoon baking powder (I forgot to add this! And they were fine)
4 to 6 tablespoons vegetable oil, more as needed
For the yogurt sauce
2/3 cup plain yogurt
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1/2 teaspoon salt
1. Preheat oven to 250 degrees. Place zucchini in a colander over a bowl, and mix with 1/2 teaspoon salt. Allow to drain for five minutes. Transfer to a cloth kitchen towel, and squeeze hard to extract as much moisture as possible. Squeeze a second time; volume will shrink to about half the original.
2. In a large mixing bowl, combine zucchini and eggs. Using a fork, mix well. Add flour, 1/2 teaspoon salt, olive oil, feta, scallions, mint and 1/2 teaspoon black pepper. Mix well, add baking powder, if using, and mix again.
3. Place a cast iron skillet or other heavy skillet over medium heat. Add 2 tablespoons vegetable oil and heat until shimmering. Place heaping tablespoons of zucchini batter in pan several inches apart, allowing room to spread. Flatten them with a spatula if necessary; pancakes should be about 3/8 inch thick and about 3 inches in diameter. Fry until golden on one side, then turn and fry again until golden on other side. Repeat once or twice, frying about 5 to 6 minutes total, so pancakes get quite crisp. Transfer to a plate lined with paper towels, and keep warm in oven. Continue frying remaining batter, adding more oil to pan as needed. Serve hot.
4. For yogurt sauce: In a small bowl, combine yogurt, garlic and salt. Mix well, and serve on the side or on pancakes.

We are complete

Just got off facebook and feel less than, ...Not sure why this happens but facebook can spin me into a funk
I begin to look into the lives of others and the comparison begins. Not a good thing for me to go into at night.
Most of the time during the day I have no interest going into facebook.
It's the dark night drawing me into the facebook lair
I can laugh about it now but it's not such a good thing for me to get involved in others buisness. Keep the focus on my life.

Today was a nice day in fact it was just gorgeous. Full of warm sun with a cool breeze. I walked along the ocean picking up sand dollars along the way. My sister called me today excited that we will see one another in May. I have some trepidation going home but I have a tool kit to help me if things get tough. There is sadness that arises for me when I talk of my family we have been through alot. My sister and I are not close
it surprises me I thought  as we aged we would create a stronger bond. I try and take it one day at a time
and stay in the present otherwise it just feels weepy. Maybe I am attached to what I would like it to be rather accept what is. My sister tries her best. Feeling of unease is arising as my trip nears.
Keeping it in the moment. Life is full of lessons.

Zen teaches that all humans have the capacity to attain enlightenment because we all have an inherent Buddha-nature; indeed, we are all already enlightened beings, but our true potential has been clouded by ignorance. 

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Good things to enjoy

Feeling calm and peaceful these days despite a set back with a migraine. My birthday was spectacular despite a disappointment with a friend. I took care of myself and went with another friend to a beautiful area to hike beside waterfalls.
In the past my whole day would have been ruined due to T not being able to show up for an event. But I made plan B and this friend did show up as she has in the past. It has quite a bit to do with learning how to take care of myself using my tools when I need them.

I enjoy the hike besides waterfalls cascading into a clear pool of pale blue water.
Stones were covered with thick moss, banana slugs, and ferns bending into the streams.
It was as if we were in a rain forest rich with deep silence. It is a magical place that is only 30 minutes from my home. Life is good. I can enjoy simple hikes with good friends. Focus on what is working in my life rather than fixate on what is not working.

One day at a time

Saturday, April 14, 2012


I had just finished a full day sitting at the Z Center. It was a women's meeting we shared our thoughts on the topic of renewal. We each brought an item to place on a cloth in the middle of the room. I brought a flower from the camellia bush in my back yard. A variety of the cammelia is also where tea comes from.

I shared and felt connected to the women in the room. Thoughts came to mind around renewal for me reminding me "We can start over at any time".
In the past I would ride my promises to the end my word meant so much even at the expense of my own sanity. As a child promises were never kept due to my fathers alcoholism and my mothers lovers. Today I have a choice in how I respond and to even change my mind. Life beautiful life full of so many challenges. This is how I have grown if things were smooth I might not go deeper into self.

Developing self care is one area I have made some progress. When I take care of myself I am better able to give to my sponsees.

1. For the program
2. The ocean
3. that i have been relieved of a few of my obsessions
4. friends they remind me how far I have come in my program

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Letting go tonight

It has been a while since my last posting but I am here in cyber-land. Feeling like I would rather post on others blogs.

These days I am still investigating my migraines, work, accepting my relationship and loving myself and through this act loving others. The work in the program is life changing as I have heard alcoholics comment, " AA will fuck up your drinking". Things just aren't the same once you begin to look within. There is a vast ocean of knowledge already present within if I can experience the moment.

A good friend came to visit again. She was a basket case at one point and difficult to be around. She has come back again this time thinking of moving back to our city.
I get in my Alanon fixer state of things and want to take care of her. But I have so much on my plate I just don't have alot of time. So I am stepping back from care taking. Got to take care of myself so I don't have a resentment later on down the road. If only they would take care of me also was my expectation. Oh just so many webs I could dive my life into.

My birthday is coming up on Monday April 16th. She had suggested we do something together and now she is changing her plans. Feel like it's a set up for disappointment coming around the bend. Going to sleep in this...........

Life is balance. I detach and ask HP for his guidance for me. Staying out of my way and trusting life has a plan. These situations take me into "life is trying to screw me" and I just cant figure it all out.
Letting Go tonight