Sunday, October 24, 2010

Step 10

Care taking was a big part of my early training. Recently several people in my life have been going through tremendous hardships. It is very troubling for me to watch them in distress I want to rescue them and make it alright. Why? I do have compassion for them but I believe there are other underlying motives. As a young girl I was my mothers confident and caretaker. Thinking back I was a sad child burdened with too many adult problems at a young age. I surrendered my authentic self for the family. My father was a raging drunk always so unpredictable.

I write and think of why these events are drawn to me today. Through working the program I get to look at my life in a new way. Learning from experiences rather than being a victim of circumstance is freeing.

With meditation it release me to think in a clearer fashion. The two people have lost it all they call me to chat of their distress. I help them find jobs, offer them jobs and try to encourage them. But I also try to step back and watch it all from a distance as I know this situation makes me feel uncomfortable. One friend calls speaking only of her problems, I sit and listen and then offer advice. I often hang up feeling frustrated with her phone calls. To take care of myself I have not been answering the phone. What do I get out of this relationship emotionally? As they speak of in Alanon do I choose friends that fulfill my sick need for abandonment.
In some ways I do believe this could be the case. I sympathize with her but not at the expense of not taking care of me.
I also watch my actions and motives in this matter. Again I find myself wanting to change her to make he see things clearer. I need to keep the focus on myself.
Step 10 reminds me to take my own inventory
I am again the care taker. She is in need and I will be the best one to take care.
This makes me the well one and then she is the sick one. I am not GOD

There is another friend in great need in my life. God is giving me quite a few
lessons on this character defect of mine. I turn this over to HP and let the universe massage this one a little bit.

I can let D be here in this moment

HP has a plan for the world
I don't have to figure it out tonight
Life is good for me today

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Devoid of clinging, be released from bondage

Today I had the opportunity to see the Dalai Lama. 11,000 people showed up to listen to his lecture.
I took time off work to see the event. My friends were late but I took care of myself by detaching from their squabble. They were kind enough to get tickets for me for an event that I had been looking forward to attending.

The events teaching was Eight Verses for Training the Mind. He spoke for several hours on this topic. I found myself slipping in and out of sleeping mind. I am fortunate I can show up for myself and embrace some of the knowledge of this lecture today.

Number 3 topic
In all my deeds may I probe into my mind,
And as soon as mental and emotional afflictions arise----
As they endanger myself or others---
May I strongly confront and avert them.

The Dalai Lama mentioned having knowledge is the opposite of ignorance.
Which reminds me of the program having knowledge of gods will for us and the power to carry that out. Being aware is freedom. I search for peace, serenity and freedom from my afflictions.

With the program I live a more balanced and peace filled life and for this I am grateful.

Number 8 topic
And may I recognizing all things as illusion,
Devoid of clinging, be released from bondage.

For this day I lived in a few moments of presence