Thursday, February 21, 2013

good times

Wishing I could write more in my blog  but so much happening just doesnt seem to be enough time.
It's a struggle to learn to make time in my life. My family raced to everything as soon as we got out of bed.
So many things to get accomplished in one day. One of the gifts of the program is being able to take time out every once in a while.
Breathe relax smile
try to meditate for at least five minutes once a day
My family came to visit after twenty years and then left again.
There were good times despite my sadness about how I wish things could be for us.
We have created something else and that is fine also.
My brothers Oxicotiyn addiction has robbed him of his old self.
He was very aggressive at times I just tried to keep it simple and to stand up for myself when it was needed.
Grateful for my life
it is damn good
being sober

Sunday, February 10, 2013


Feeling settled tonight relaxing reading blogs. Wonderful dharma talk tonight on dukkha. 

Dukkha (PāliSanskritduḥkhaTibetan sdug bsngal) is a Buddhist term commonly translated as "suffering", "stress", "anxiety", or "dissatisfaction". Dukkha is identified as the first of the Four Noble Truths.
Within the Buddhist tradition, dukkha is commonly explained according to three different patterns or categories. In the first category, dukkha includes the obvious physical suffering or pain associated with giving birth, growing old, physical illness and the process of dying. These outer discomforts are referred to as the dukkha of ordinary suffering (dukkha-dukkha). In a second category, dukkha also includes the anxiety or stress of trying to hold onto things that are constantly changing; these inner anxieties are called the dukkha produced by change (vipariṇāma-dukkha). The third pattern or category of dukkha refers to a basic unsatisfactoriness pervading all forms of life because all forms of life are impermanent and constantly changing. On this level, the term indicates a lack of satisfaction, a sense that things never measure up to our expectations or standards. This subtle dissatisfaction is referred to as the dukkha of conditioned states (saṃkhāra-dukkha).

turning it all over to Hp
We are having a nephew stay with us for a few days. It's nice to have him around such a nice young man.
He is a good person. There are times when I want more privacy but I try and remember to speak my truth kindly so as not to get a resentment brewing.
My H has a nice family but they can be too people pleasing to each other. This causes problems.
grateful for the program

Friday, February 1, 2013

Wild And Precious Life

Tonight the meeting spoke of Happiness and Buddhas Brain. The speaker had a cold and his voice cracked as he spoke of the isolation of addiction, wanting love and to love, and the difficulties and joy of his life. Sitting in a room full of people on a Friday night it was a beautiful experience all of us silent in meditation and then speaking on recovery.

I still fumble when talking of myself nothing I say seems to convey my feelings. This feeling will probably stay with me for my life, feeling unable to articulate my true self. The more I sit with myself I show up for the authentic self hidden but still there under everything.

Someone once asked Suzuki Roshi, “Roshi, what’s the most important thing?” and he answered, “To find out what’s the most important thing.” 

I’d like to share with you a poem by Mary Oliver called “Summer Day.”
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean—
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down—
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?