Sunday, December 4, 2011

Some days

Beautiful day here with difficult moments. Recently one of my brothers reached out to me with some kind words. I called him to chat as I crossed a long bridge over the Pacific. It was not a good call in fact it was a shame and blame dump. He is very dismissive of my career after I have spent twenty years creating some pretty good pieces. Other words were deposited over the phone and I became defensive. But in the end I did feel like I did keep some serenity. It is up to me to practice my program and decline their offers of Alcoholic thinking.

I called a friend today very upset with the conversation. She replied you must be ready to deal with some of these issues. This response actually makes sense to me. In the program everything can be treated as a spiritual lesson. I trust the universe has a plan for me. Working my program is the best gift I can give to the myself and others. I see with some clarity how I allow myself to get drawn into others problems.

I forget to mention this conversation took place after an incredible Zen Dharma talk.
The speaker spoke of the love he received from his teacher. He cried and I too cried with him they were tears of joy. I don't cry that easy but he was so present and sincere that I was moved. The center is a beauteous gift so close to my home.

Quote from Suzuki Roshi
“When you become yourself then Zen becomes Zen.”

Tonight I will pray for my brother. I pray for myself also. It would be nice to have compassion for myself and our difficult relationship at times. He was very mistreated as a child. There are choices I can make to take care of myself when he gets abusive toward me.

Gratitude
1. I can feel love for myself and others-
2. My peace of mind does not depend on what others think of me
3. HP has a plan for everyone
4. I can let go and relax to take care of myself

Regarding, “We should be like a boatman,” in Shobogenzo Zenki (Undivided Activity), Dogen states (Tanahashi and Brown translation):

Birth is just like riding in a boat. You raise the sails and you steer. Although you maneuver the sail and the pole, the boat gives you a ride, and without the boat you couldn’t ride. But you ride in the boat and your riding makes the boat what it is. Investigate a moment such as this. At just such a moment, there is nothing but the world of the boat. The sky, the water, and the shore are all the boat’s world, which is not the same as a world that is not the boat’s. Thus, you make birth what it is, you make birth your birth.

When you ride in a boat, your body and mind and the environs together are the undivided activity of the boat. The entire earth and the entire sky are both the undivided activity of the boat. Thus, birth is nothing but you; you are nothing but birth.

1 comment:

Syd said...

Beautiful post. I so liked the We Should be Like Boatmen. Every little eddy swirls about the boat and the current and wind can make it change direction even with the rudder. Kind of like life. Eventually, we can get where we are meant to go. Glad that you are practicing the program in your life.

Annie

Annie