Wednesday, January 21, 2015


Here it is another day my life is moving along. It is a gift to be sober and present for the life..
I am giving it my best-- best that I can muster and for this I am grateful.
One day at a time.
Learning to give a voice to myself even when it is difficult. Don't want to regret not speaking up in some situations. In the past I did not have skill in my speech it took a fight or self destruction to bring attention to a situation.
I was not worthy is how I treated myself, it doesn't matter what I feel...
These are the lessons growing up in an alcoholic home, there was always some problem looming in the corner. Taking this storyline into adult life was a thorny path.
Just for today I can be present and also turn it over to HP
HP has a plan
I am willing to show up

Friday, January 16, 2015

HP help and guidance

Woke up to the fog rolling off the ocean, chilly air seeping into the rooms. Struggling with old negative thoughts that keep turning over and over in my head. It's difficult to let go and trust it will all work out. What will happen to me-- I am left alone with no map...old voices churning

I dont know why this has come up for me? It might have to do with a project ending....feeling like
my voice is not heard. Where do I not show up for myself? Needing an old fashioned meeting where I can speak for myself in a group. The healing of witnessing someones heart as I so often hear in meetings.

Asking for HP's help to guide me and comfort me today

Thursday, January 15, 2015

There is a plan

Beautiful day today ..chilly but I have a chance to look at myself and reflect on what I want my day to look like? Fear does run through me more than I realize. I worry about the future and what will happen to me and those I love. Just for today I can turn it over to HP and do the footwork, reach out to my sponsor, and use the tools of the program.
Step 1 I am powerless
HP is there for me and there is a plan and
I don't have to figure it out.

Friday, January 2, 2015

Adventure of changed attitudes

New Year here I come ready for the adventure one day at a time. Changed attitudes do aid recovery is one area that has dramatically, looking at my life in a new way with the guidance of Alanon.
This holiday was one of the best yet although it had ups and downs nothing like in the past
of why me, I am so alone, no one cares..This is an area I try to work on "no one cares"
it has traveled with me for my life so far. Having addict parents for modeling distorted my views as a child. As an adult I was still looking outside myself for love, it's an inside job I have to report.
Wanting it to change now also doesn't work for me-- it takes time and commitment slowly slowly...
Y still goes into his cave during the Holidays but I have tools to get my needs met.
What are my needs? This is still an area that I am uncertain of at times but I have my program,
meditation and myself to discover which also I believe connects me to everyone.
Working on myself is working on the world around me and hopefully helping those I love.
Happy New Year !