Just fine

Wonderful meeting tonight, it was on step five. Admitted to God to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Recently I met with my sponsor to go over more step work from Blue Print for Progress ...I chose a bakery in a city outside town. The pastries were horrible, the setting was uncomfortable with bad tables and I felt my sponsor was not paying attention. I wanted more from my heart felt share it just wasn't turning out the way I thought it should.

Nothing seemed right I made a poor choice again and added some fuel to self hatred.

It has appeared to me time and again in retrospect the share it sometimes not the entire message. The whole experience often has many lessons if I can look at the entire event.

Now when I look back at this day it seems to represent my views of myself. I just cant get it right my best is not good enough. When I can practice loving kindness toward myself it is just the way it was supposed to be. I don't have to give fuel to the fire of my self hatred. My life is just fine in fact pretty damn good.

Having a sponsor has meant alot of my recovery. She calls me back when I phone in fact often answers the phone when I call her. She has heard quite a bit of my past and knows me very well but hasn't left yet. The program is incredible in its workings and healing of past wounds.

Tonight my feelings again toward the group were full of a settled D. It reminded me of old days in my youth when my inner self was not as troubled. There was a self love I had in those days before my young adulthood years. I am learning a more loving way of seeing myself.

" If no one knows us as we really are, we run the risk of making ourselves victims of our own self hatred. If we can be loved by somebody who sees us as we are, we will then be able to accept ourselves. Others rarely think we're as bad as we think we are."

Alateen