Monday, November 1, 2010

I am not alone

Tonight was Y's Birthday. I shopped for and made one of his favorite dishes along with
a home made cake. He seemed to really enjoy the meal. It took me hours to prepare the dinner but I tried to stay positive and present while I was cooking. In the past I rushed through tedious projects to get to the end as soon as possible. But I tried to be present for myself and keep a positive attitude.

Everything went well until the end of the meal. Y began to focus on some negative events that are goning on in his life. He blamed me for his feelings. The wonderful thing is I just sat and listened. He kept ranting and raving about how horrible this situation is in his life. My Alanon practice guided me through, I did not attach
to his fear. It seems that when we begin to have a nice time events will happen to
end a good time with a negative spin. It's sad really but in some ways it is very enlightening to come to realizations. Detaching with love. Did I do this with love?
I tried it was difficult to feel this love.

Sometimes I have to walk through all the uncomfortable feelings if I want to learn a new behavior that I feel will be a positive addition to my life. I can make a phone call and read some Alanon literature to guide me through.
Even in meditation there are moments that are extremely painful but I know somewhere down the road will be other feelings that nothing lasts forever.

Well I am tired Y's birthday seemed to turn out well despite a few moments of
sadness.

Gratitude
Alanon is there for me
I am not alone

1 comment:

Syd said...

I'm sorry that Y decided to be trapped in fear and blame that on you. I have experienced that with alcoholics in which I am blamed for their bad feelings about themselves. I don't have to accept that or believe what they say. Glad that you were able to detach with love.

Annie

Annie