Step 10

Care taking was a big part of my early training. Recently several people in my life have been going through tremendous hardships. It is very troubling for me to watch them in distress I want to rescue them and make it alright. Why? I do have compassion for them but I believe there are other underlying motives. As a young girl I was my mothers confident and caretaker. Thinking back I was a sad child burdened with too many adult problems at a young age. I surrendered my authentic self for the family. My father was a raging drunk always so unpredictable.

I write and think of why these events are drawn to me today. Through working the program I get to look at my life in a new way. Learning from experiences rather than being a victim of circumstance is freeing.

With meditation it release me to think in a clearer fashion. The two people have lost it all they call me to chat of their distress. I help them find jobs, offer them jobs and try to encourage them. But I also try to step back and watch it all from a distance as I know this situation makes me feel uncomfortable. One friend calls speaking only of her problems, I sit and listen and then offer advice. I often hang up feeling frustrated with her phone calls. To take care of myself I have not been answering the phone. What do I get out of this relationship emotionally? As they speak of in Alanon do I choose friends that fulfill my sick need for abandonment.
In some ways I do believe this could be the case. I sympathize with her but not at the expense of not taking care of me.
I also watch my actions and motives in this matter. Again I find myself wanting to change her to make he see things clearer. I need to keep the focus on myself.
Step 10 reminds me to take my own inventory
I am again the care taker. She is in need and I will be the best one to take care.
This makes me the well one and then she is the sick one. I am not GOD

There is another friend in great need in my life. God is giving me quite a few
lessons on this character defect of mine. I turn this over to HP and let the universe massage this one a little bit.

I can let D be here in this moment

Gratitude
HP has a plan for the world
I don't have to figure it out tonight
Life is good for me today