Last night I went to a past friends birthday party who ended up in Alanon with me. In the past we would talk for hours on the phone mostly with me listening. I had hopes we would travel down the road of recovery together, sharing our experience, strength and hope. HP had other plans for me. Our friendship has really died in the rooms. After meetings I would wait around to say goodbye to her often standing nearby as she chatted to others. As time progressed other things unfolded that made me realize our friendship was one way. Quite a few times I spoke with her about my feelings regarding some of her actions nothing changed.
I got to sustain the "poor me" quite a bit with T. But this experience is really an opportunity for growth. Examining one of my character defects is allowing me to expand and develop stronger self esteem. Taking care of myself is learning I don't have to take care of others to feed D.
So in the program I get a chance to show up for myself despite what I thought recovery would look like. The choice I made last night was to limit my time at her party. I didn't overextend myself by helping with her party duties. At one point she made a comment to me thanking me by helping her as I was washing my dish to take home with me. I decided there would be no dish washing or helping her clean up her party. Most of her friends left early and I was going to leave without getting a resentment toward her. I felt like I took care of myself in this situation. My HP guides me through all the labyrinths.
"What we teach ourselves with our thoughts and attitudes is up to us" In All Our Affairs
Gratitude
1. The Program and staying around for the miracle
2. HP has plans that I have nothing to do with
3. coffee it is time for a cup
1 comment:
I can understand this. I have lost some friends for being in recovery also. But ultimately I have to take care of myself. I have had to not pander to others to get them to like me.
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