I am not alone

Feeling Alone. This weekend I juried over fifty films for a documentary film festival. This process has kept me current with styles and news of what is happening around the world. It is disturbing to watch some of the stories, many people make decisions to sustain themselves that are harmful to them also. I have alot of gratitude for my situation in life. I live in a home full of food that is safe and clean.

But I also suffer from the disease of alcoholism and was raised in a home of alcoholics. During the week night we had a buddhist 12 step party. Everyone seemed so connected and happy. I watched people chat with one another, smile and laugh as I sat on a chair. I felt so alone and feelings of being left out of the group arose.
I chose to focus on a woman who is involved with the group. She is distant toward me but sometimes reaches out to connect with me. There were many people who show great warmth to me in the group. But I chose to attach my feelings to her which again sustain my victim complex. It is a great relief to realize I have this trait. My identity surrounding me as a victim, self pity is strong. This is where I reach out today. I will make a program call to someone I want to connect with but haven't made the effort. They may not have the time to call me back also. But my HP is there always to guide me and surround me when things are tough. I am not alone.
"I am learning to treat myself as if I am valuable. I find that when I practice long enough, I begin to believe it."
In All Our Affairs

gratitude
1. For HP
2. That I have willingness
3. Fellow bloggers in recovery
4. ethiopian coffee is excellent
5. For my safe home that I created




Gratitude