Shutting down

Great recovery meeting tonight at the Zen Center.
The talk was the past, the speaker then lifted up a photo of himself at 7 years old. He then dscribeed to the group when he started feeling that he didn't belong. Oh yes I can remember exactly the moment I realized that things were getting out of control in my life. I was around 10 years old laying in bed not feeling good, depressed. It was then I knew I would have to start shutting down my feelings they were causing me to feel bad, no one was there to guide me. So that is what I did that day, I left my true self and splintered like a bad piece of furniture. The depression only got worse shutting down didn't seem to help me.

I had to raise my brothers and sisters and did the best a 10 year old could put together. My parents did the best they could also at the time.
I felt very alone and overwhelemed with the adult situations I had to cope with.
Keeping my mohther feeling Ok was a big job if she collapsed things would get real ugly. We all coped with her whispered phone calls to her lovers that lasted for hours some days. This was my childhood in Merriam.


But today I am grateful I have the program, a sponsor and the 12 steps that can help guide me through my life one day at a time. The program help guides me thourgh my life. Today I have choices and people in the rooms sharing thier experience strength and hope.This gives me such relief to know that there are others out there who also have experienced the same insanity that I was raised with and then recreated in my adulthood.

"I don't have to feel alone. I can go to a meeting. or pick up the phone-there is always somebody to reach out in Alanon."

Gratitude
HP shares love with all
12 step Zen meetings have given me so much good recovery
Books keep me feelin good
The voices today are small
I like blood oranges

"Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart".
Carl Jung