San Francisco

Loving Kindness

Loving-kindness meditation can be brought in to support the practice of insight meditation to help keep the mind open and sweet. It provides the essential balance to support Insight meditation practice. It is a fact of life that many people are troubled by difficult emotional states in the pressured societies we live in, but do little in terms of developing skills to deal with them. Yet even when the mind goes sour it is within most people's capacity to arouse positive feelings to sweeten it. Loving-kindness is a meditation practice taught by the Buddha to develop the mental habit of selfless or altruistic love. In the Dhammapada can be found the saying: "Hatred cannot coexist with loving-kindness, and dissipates if supplanted with thoughts based on loving-kindness." Loving-kindness is a meditation practice, which brings about positive attitudinal changes as it systematically develops the quality of 'loving-acceptance'. It acts, as it were, as a form of self-psychotherapy, a way of healing the troubled mind to free it from its pain and confusion. Of all Buddhist meditations, loving-kindness has the immediate benefit of sweetening and changing old habituated negative patterns of mind. Four types of persons to develop loving-kindness towards: a respected, beloved person — such as a spiritual teacher; a dearly beloved — a close family member or friend; a neutral person — somebody you know, but have no special feelings towards, e.g. person who serves you in a shop; a hostile person — someone you are currently having difficulty with.

Let go and laugh

I am tired tonight a friend came from Germany to stay for a few days. We had such a nice time together. We met a few years ago in an airport in the middle east. After all these years apart we still connected on my levels. She asked how I was doing and I spoke of my difficult holidays and getting caught in the spin of trying to run from my feelings.

My feelings. I become frightened of going into the dark forest, getting lost and not being able to find my way out. Fear takes over my life it feels as if I am lost without a map. ..oh slippery slime

My friend seemed to understand my holiday madness although she doesn't work a program. I sat and listened to her describe feelings of being an outsider not fitting in. We shared our holiday stories and laughed at the end of it. It is a mystery many things I wont understand in my life.

This is where I turn it over to the unknown and let go.

Kevin Griffin mentions a Korean monk has a practice called "Don't Know." In this practice

we recognize that we really dont have answers to many of lifes basic questions. Life is full of surprises. If we try to stay alert each moment is unique. God is also a mystery, any ideas about God were just thoughts. For me often my spiritual experience is difficult to put into words.

Spirituality is a feeling, the sun on my back, a bird call that I hear in my room when all is quiet.

But spirituality for me is beyond these phrases. Tao Te Ching said "The way that can be spoken is not the true Way."

Tonight writing in my blog took some thought and reflection. I opened my books and began reading from old favorites. It feels nice to stretch into the old bookshelf.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

Lao Tse

Step 2

Tonight in the meeting we discussed Step 2 Came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Slowly I am coming to believe in a power greater than myself can guide me in my life. For most of my life willpower is what kept me going. As I have aged this has hindered me feeling that the world was in my control.

I sit in meditation for twenty minutes in this meeting watching my mind jump from one subject to another. With my breath I try to release let go and let god. I am not a sky God believer but I do have faith in a spiritual power. The simple act of breath is a powerful release from my thoughts.

Staying in the moment being present and not attaching to my thoughts is freeing. I am trying to have compassion with myself not self pity. I have resistance to Buddhism at times but there are many aspects that I trust. Just for today I will let go and just walk through some of my resistance. My experience has revealed that in time my practice grows deeper slowly....

Gratitude

1. HP is right here in this moment

2. The program keeps me sane

3. turning it over to a HP does not mean I become a doormat

4. Oranges are incredibly delicious right now

Detach with Love

Detaching with Love

When I began to work the program in all my affairs my life changes, changed and is changing. I sometimes don't understand it all but HP has a plan I dont have to figure it out.

Recently I had a spat with my business partner. I felt my care taking of others was surrendering my serenity. E had asked for a personal favor during work hours and a resentment began to brew.

I felt anger brew within me but I continued to do the favor despite my feelings. When I arrived at the office I was angry at myself for not speaking up and my business partner for asking this favor of me. I brought up my discomfort. A fight between us took place. She left the room slamming the door but not before she informed me we would not talk further on this issue. I then informed her i would talk further on this issue if it was needed. My having to say no is not going to be comfortable to everyone.

I left the office but it wasnt like in the past when I would go into a shame spiral. The whirl I would spin into I thought of myself as God and I failed. I should control everything in the universe and would fail again and again. The disease of Alanon is progressive and I feel gratitude that I am in the rooms. Even when I cant show up for myself the program will be there for me.

In some ways my detailing the event brings up anger again. But I am able to detach from her and the event with Love.

This is a huge shift in my life. The other person doesn't have to be wrong and I don't have to build up resentments toward an avalanche when I cant speak up for myself.

Detaching with Love is responding with choice not anxiety to the situation.

Prayer is also a good tool I can use to help me with difficult situations. Praying for the well being of others during the day keeps me out of the victim role.

God meets me where I am ..If I am just willing Hp will come to me.

Grateful

1. The Program

2. For my willingness to work the program

3. Ability to laugh at myself

Wonderful quote

Step One

Step One We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

Admitting I was powerless was difficult I willed myself through my life. I was going to be a success despite my family. I grew up in a alcoholic home learning to shut down emotionally at a young age. Rescuing others meant more than taking care of myself. They would take care of me eventually as time went on I believed they would recognize my sacrifice.

Today I am able to examine some of my character defects. I may be powerless in controlling others but I have choices in how I react in situations. If my partner is raging I don't have to engage.

Taking care of myself could mean walking out of a room, getting out of a car, and maybe having to cancel engagements.

Just for today I can also remember the growth I have in Alanon. I sometimes live a serene life

full of adventure and joy.