tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55303638636711156032024-02-19T08:59:18.207-08:00Just for TodayWanderings of a Alanon memberUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger464125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-54032886759336319632015-01-21T09:13:00.001-08:002015-01-21T09:13:23.086-08:00VoiceHere it is another day my life is moving along. It is a gift to be sober and present for the life..<br />
I am giving it my best-- best that I can muster and for this I am grateful.<br />
One day at a time.<br />
Learning to give a voice to myself even when it is difficult. Don't want to regret not speaking up in some situations. In the past I did not have skill in my speech it took a fight or self destruction to bring attention to a situation.<br />
I was not worthy is how I treated myself, it doesn't matter what I feel...<br />
These are the lessons growing up in an alcoholic home, there was always some problem looming in the corner. Taking this storyline into adult life was a thorny path.<br />
Just for today I can be present and also turn it over to HP<br />
HP has a plan<br />
I am willing to show up<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAS-VGv1KIEWxlWYXND-KVYNfL2iJb9S-kw0eIHxSAajtcrqMJlXm3inhHeN-2-8pUs9Sbryj_e2idGI5GU0DwHuE-H264J6x_ku5uYhqlP3hzP5-R6BPk80QSNYC-bxWieVOgdzcnxck/s1600/Strawberrycake_1604.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAS-VGv1KIEWxlWYXND-KVYNfL2iJb9S-kw0eIHxSAajtcrqMJlXm3inhHeN-2-8pUs9Sbryj_e2idGI5GU0DwHuE-H264J6x_ku5uYhqlP3hzP5-R6BPk80QSNYC-bxWieVOgdzcnxck/s1600/Strawberrycake_1604.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-876303380451946902015-01-16T09:36:00.003-08:002015-01-16T09:36:49.810-08:00HP help and guidance Woke up to the fog rolling off the ocean, chilly air seeping into the rooms. Struggling with old negative thoughts that keep turning over and over in my head. It's difficult to let go and trust it will all work out. What will happen to me-- I am left alone with no map...old voices churning<br />
<br />
I dont know why this has come up for me? It might have to do with a project ending....feeling like<br />
my voice is not heard. Where do I not show up for myself? Needing an old fashioned meeting where I can speak for myself in a group. The healing of witnessing someones heart as I so often hear in meetings.<br />
<br />
Asking for HP's help to guide me and comfort me today<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-34264650283253387922015-01-15T08:58:00.002-08:002015-01-15T08:58:38.064-08:00There is a plan<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGbgeN_GJSPmAHyAbjfUn_WP7Hiuu-kTinAf8GFKSPDz_79IK8Xs1vO3_Ng85eb7oXdmAhMWKJsdUXH2ERdIzbkQ-4dOUO_WFnRjjOiXHAwjrerxQKo4qFgR5i7EWBBUKO8B2Zsy99C_I/s1600/Goats_BS0A7285.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGbgeN_GJSPmAHyAbjfUn_WP7Hiuu-kTinAf8GFKSPDz_79IK8Xs1vO3_Ng85eb7oXdmAhMWKJsdUXH2ERdIzbkQ-4dOUO_WFnRjjOiXHAwjrerxQKo4qFgR5i7EWBBUKO8B2Zsy99C_I/s1600/Goats_BS0A7285.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Beautiful day today ..chilly but I have a chance to look at myself and reflect on what I want my day to look like? Fear does run through me more than I realize. I worry about the future and what will happen to me and those I love. Just for today I can turn it over to HP and do the footwork, reach out to my sponsor, and use the tools of the program.<br />
Step 1 I am powerless<br />
HP is there for me and there is a plan and<br />
I don't have to figure it out.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-78220062234340220602015-01-02T09:28:00.000-08:002015-01-02T09:32:02.482-08:00Adventure of changed attitudesNew Year here I come ready for the adventure one day at a time. Changed attitudes do aid recovery is one area that has dramatically, looking at my life in a new way with the guidance of Alanon.<br />
This holiday was one of the best yet although it had ups and downs nothing like in the past<br />
of why me, I am so alone, no one cares..This is an area I try to work on "no one cares"<br />
it has traveled with me for my life so far. Having addict parents for modeling distorted my views as a child. As an adult I was still looking outside myself for love, it's an inside job I have to report.<br />
Wanting it to change now also doesn't work for me-- it takes time and commitment slowly slowly...<br />
Y still goes into his cave during the Holidays but I have tools to get my needs met.<br />
What are my needs? This is still an area that I am uncertain of at times but I have my program,<br />
meditation and myself to discover which also I believe connects me to everyone.<br />
Working on myself is working on the world around me and hopefully helping those I love.<br />
Happy New Year !<br />
<br />
<div class="clearfix _5x46" style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15.3599996566772px; margin-bottom: 11px; zoom: 1;">
<div class="_3dp _29k" style="display: table-cell; vertical-align: top; width: 10000px;">
<div class="_6a" style="display: inline-block;">
<div class="_6a _6b" style="display: inline-block; vertical-align: middle;">
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/XG84aYMQIHw?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-74900364397150596542014-12-26T19:10:00.001-08:002014-12-26T19:10:40.218-08:00LifeOh the Holidays are almost over and a new year born...So far things are pretty smooth sailing.<br />
I caught a flu so laying low today but grateful for the gifts of the program.<br />
One day at a time I get to show up for my life. Precious human life that is so brief and dynamic.<br />
<br />
<blockquote style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; margin-left: 25px;">
<div align="center">
One thing I teach: suffering and the end of suffering. It is just Ill and the ceasing of Ill that I proclaim.<br />--The Buddha <a href="http://www.religionfacts.com/buddhism/beliefs/purpose.htm#2" style="color: #0073bf; text-decoration: none;">{2}</a></div>
</blockquote>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">
One of the most important questions all belief systems seek to address is: What is the purpose of life? And virtually all religions propose a way of life that will lead to salvation, liberation, satisfaction, or happiness. Buddhism is no exception.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;">
In Buddhism, the primary purpose of life is to end suffering. The Buddha taught that humans suffer because we continually strive after things that do not give lasting happiness. We desperately try to hold on to things - friends, health, material things - that do not last, and this causes sorrow.</div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-61266708822778660812014-11-24T08:57:00.000-08:002014-11-24T08:57:12.508-08:00Holiday timeSunny clear crisp morning the Holiday days are here almost. I can feel a little twinge of the loneliness creeping up on me, concentrating on the friends who have left me out of their plans. It is growing up in an alcoholic home the feelings I cant invite anyone over you never know what will happen, plans are broken, your needs are not valid...the family must survive. But despite this today I have a choice in how to deal with it all including the old recordings that run in my head. My choice is to focus on my spiritual side to remember the program is always there for me nurturing me and others. No matter what happens there will be a meeting tonight and tomorrow somewhere near me. I believe this community has kept me going in life more than anything. Then I reach out to others and share my experience strength and hope.<br />
<br />
No longer is there a sense of hopelessness no longer must I depend upon my own unsteady will power....<br />
<br />
Going back to the steps one two and three..from Alateen.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #545454; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Some of my anticipated concerns regarding family drinking did occur; however, I observed that my reactions have changed. I repeated the first three Steps to myself often, recognizing that I am powerless over the choices family members make. The old anxiety is the “unmanageable” part of my life. Moving on to Step Two, I turned my life over to my Higher Power and asked Him to restore me to sanity. Recalling the first three Steps gave me a sense of peace and comfort. In addition, I did attend a meeting, which was like food for my soul.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-47153680437711029722014-11-12T08:41:00.000-08:002014-11-12T08:41:03.340-08:00The search for self<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYmEIQk2vP3f_rnJwxUyeZvFsdZBxC2fjvywFA4M4lYuWIhVsUiDxS35pUfV0sE2zORa7B3vpbnW2Tb8KQdYUaBOo3vtwOnH6nKpRpgK9mJl3d1Ws9J2GXx1R1RLrmPi3s0jA-NHrtLv8/s1600/IMG_0708.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYmEIQk2vP3f_rnJwxUyeZvFsdZBxC2fjvywFA4M4lYuWIhVsUiDxS35pUfV0sE2zORa7B3vpbnW2Tb8KQdYUaBOo3vtwOnH6nKpRpgK9mJl3d1Ws9J2GXx1R1RLrmPi3s0jA-NHrtLv8/s320/IMG_0708.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
The morning is cool and grey starting to feel like fall. Waking up used to be<br />
filled with self hatred and now my life has shifted I see the day with more kindness toward myself.<br />
Mondays meeting was inspiring filled shares of honesty which touches and inspires me.<br />
This is what works for me about the program the search for self using the program as a guide.<br />
Going into myself without a guide would be very dangerous. I have generations behind me<br />
of alcoholics and alanonics to prop up the alcoholics. Forgiving myself is the first key and reaching out to others who are still suffering...Giving it away to keep it.<br />
Getting a sponsor who is there for me and offers me guidance without it being advice....<br />
Working the steps so I dont get stuck in the problem. I can focus on what is not working in my life instead of what is working.<br />
<br />
Well today is a day that I get to show up for myself with this life and I can start over at anytime when things arent working.....<br />
I like the idea as life being a work of art.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-6351815833086222602014-11-02T08:34:00.000-08:002014-11-02T08:35:29.599-08:00Taking care of buisness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<br />
Sunday cool the sun is peeking out under the fog, soon it will cover the day with strong fall light.<br />
Grateful that I am sober alive with some clear thoughts. My muddy thinking is waiting to come forward but today the intention is here with me now unveiling serenity.<br />
<br />
My Y turned 60 yesterday sweet slow day, remembering back to when we were kids dating.<br />
He was the man for me despite all the warning signs. The top student in his class but so full of rage. Our relationship has been my sanctifier, dharma gate, I was forced to look into myself. No choice. Y is a good man and I am a good woman but we got some troubles sometimes. Alot of the time<br />
it would be great if he was someone who i want him to be, but that is not how it works.<br />
Letting go of expectations and taking care of my business cause I got business to mind for today.<br />
<br />
Smiling<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcupNHWz40uKR4iKo3cOvT7T67H1JJRBUt57hdb9Ozg1v-hplSTSUSLXu9-Rvcz3RcTtPFoOocQSB5ELWTvCUgcGzLCGba672lF_KIPAB-FEMhbR7ObJk7B0E9aNaxaSTyllefJKIkZW0/s1600/IMG_3630.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcupNHWz40uKR4iKo3cOvT7T67H1JJRBUt57hdb9Ozg1v-hplSTSUSLXu9-Rvcz3RcTtPFoOocQSB5ELWTvCUgcGzLCGba672lF_KIPAB-FEMhbR7ObJk7B0E9aNaxaSTyllefJKIkZW0/s1600/IMG_3630.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-46181156309521334002014-10-24T09:59:00.001-07:002014-10-24T09:59:51.212-07:00Kindness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSDKDOhp9bB2HYtzT2g2xV0Wg70l1-eYtL2x5LjEdM-NISXHnPl4uJoNEKll3WkbtbPY4QS6-5DPYt6xywLhMlmNpWLvIAabLHWgsJHvUZA2UX2TwvbcJb1nSRFPbE1ZKve2YWax-Dfug/s1600/jerrysbar570.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSDKDOhp9bB2HYtzT2g2xV0Wg70l1-eYtL2x5LjEdM-NISXHnPl4uJoNEKll3WkbtbPY4QS6-5DPYt6xywLhMlmNpWLvIAabLHWgsJHvUZA2UX2TwvbcJb1nSRFPbE1ZKve2YWax-Dfug/s1600/jerrysbar570.jpg" height="208" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Running through the internet I came acorss some dive bar photos. Looking at these brought me back to my younger days waiting for my father in the car while he got a drink...for a second<br />
My father was an intelligent man, creative and a free thinker-- but suffered with the disease.<br />
He ended up getting sober at the end of his life...miracle<br />
Eventually he stopped going to meetings, I asked him why he stopped going.<br />
His reply saddened me,"I don't deserve their kindness." His reply made a big impact on me keeping me going back despite what the voices inside were saying. I deserve kindness, love and all the other gifts the program has to offer.<br />
Keeping the program alive by reaching out today...<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-17379345426618805602014-10-15T09:35:00.001-07:002014-10-15T09:35:06.202-07:00Letting Go<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4HP88fclKaQ/UjaY6kzEsyI/AAAAAAAAAbI/EYEFwvaN8Jw/s1600/aa%2BAlbumn%2B2%2Bposter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4HP88fclKaQ/UjaY6kzEsyI/AAAAAAAAAbI/EYEFwvaN8Jw/s1600/aa%2BAlbumn%2B2%2Bposter.jpg" height="242" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
The most loving from of detachment is forgiveness, just finished reading my Courage to Change.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
It is one of my more difficult character defects letting go of how I want things to be through my will. Things should be done my way and I will teach them how it is supposed to be...This was my job as a child to monitor everyone, give them direction. My needs we not important. I was taking care of others at the expense of myself at a very young age. I was worried about my brothers and sisters they had no direction. As I aged my care taking became a career, managing projects not taking care of myself. Friends would call me any time of day and night going into great detail regarding their problems. I listened offering my advice but I began to get angry. They never asked how I was doing. When was it going to be my turn to be heard? The turn never came because I didn't know how to take care of myself. Taking care of myself means going inside to listen, to stop doing, not being always available. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
My resentments against others dwindle also when I cease to become HP. Forgiving myself for my humaness allows me to forgive others. Everyone has their own HP. Letting go of how I want the outcome to look like. Letting go of taking care of others oftentimes they aren't asking for the help anyway these days. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-7475627700688345842014-10-08T09:07:00.001-07:002014-10-08T09:07:48.701-07:00The PlanToday I am here in this life, present and ready for the day to unfold. I feel lucky working for myself out of my home. It does have challenges, fears I cant complete my jobs. But I reach out to those in my field and go to meetings and make program calls. The program has taught me I can't do it alone, no one is really doing it alone. We are social beings and learning to love and care for myself has moved me to love and help others. The important message for me is to let go also of what the outcome should look like. Attachments letting go---detaching with love<br />
More is revealed and more will be revealed if I can have an open mind and the ability to be present.<br />
Looking into my blog there are many I's...guess it's a diary for me really anonymously.<br />
When I first started writing there was alot of pain in my life, it has opened up and moved out into<br />
a broader deeper vision. This too shall pass about sums up pain for me today. Doing the footwork and trusting HP has a plan for me and everyone else in the universe.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNVk4R7OE8IO1uUPtV-hDYroFjGKLFA9z770WKmf8hLM5I51N-X-l64lyEKwjMywbPgsfW5uI3rdSyzRTsetZhLY48CP-a6s7IbxyCnTGpHRobwbU_okQDv-sUIJPV9v4GZlAb_K1ofC8/s1600/IMG_7602.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNVk4R7OE8IO1uUPtV-hDYroFjGKLFA9z770WKmf8hLM5I51N-X-l64lyEKwjMywbPgsfW5uI3rdSyzRTsetZhLY48CP-a6s7IbxyCnTGpHRobwbU_okQDv-sUIJPV9v4GZlAb_K1ofC8/s1600/IMG_7602.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<span id="goog_2072000999"></span><span id="goog_2072001000"></span><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-50574277203694246402014-10-03T09:46:00.002-07:002014-10-03T09:46:27.502-07:00tool chest<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYBuwlqULtkr_njcz5eIXlLkGp09izRiO51XxunKood7-_ZeqsB8kPadXU4J-pceV4ST2jzfANN3bXhUc9EPTrAl6jldUXnDV6RhhVdGyEaFCHYt_5gx1vjEk8Hny2JmqLqUPwS07a0VY/s1600/IMG_7582.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYBuwlqULtkr_njcz5eIXlLkGp09izRiO51XxunKood7-_ZeqsB8kPadXU4J-pceV4ST2jzfANN3bXhUc9EPTrAl6jldUXnDV6RhhVdGyEaFCHYt_5gx1vjEk8Hny2JmqLqUPwS07a0VY/s1600/IMG_7582.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
Beautiful day here!<div>
Our summer has arrived the beaches are warm people are out walking the edge of the water.</div>
<div>
As soon as it is possible I too am going down to walk. Grateful for my life.</div>
<div>
More will be revealed --- there is a tool chest for my support.</div>
<div>
Just for today.<br /><br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-4429010305770119772014-09-28T10:11:00.000-07:002014-09-28T10:13:14.498-07:00Life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Oe1fd4EnTGlgf_Uz8VI0-uoJaRzGvoejVuW1muEMX_ofyZ52GXoyDCaFz80PEuQIZHdIzIFvjcVxp_gDEp-hu6i_Qe_8qm_QLEmgQelXWRb2iUNpJBtyMItA2scJTCI5tESw5hjaHkY/s1600/IMG_3208.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1Oe1fd4EnTGlgf_Uz8VI0-uoJaRzGvoejVuW1muEMX_ofyZ52GXoyDCaFz80PEuQIZHdIzIFvjcVxp_gDEp-hu6i_Qe_8qm_QLEmgQelXWRb2iUNpJBtyMItA2scJTCI5tESw5hjaHkY/s1600/IMG_3208.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
From the Asian Muse -- Buddha's birth</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Woke up to calm mind. My brother just left after being here for a day. Things went smooth no quarrels like in the past. This is one of the gifts of the program. I am more comfortable with who I am things come and go. Feelings aren't facts sometimes there are things said and I don't have to attach to the bait as in the past. What is the bait for me? It can be many things that I perceive in the moment, controlling how I want things, situations, people around me to appear. I sit with thoughts and let them rest before I comment most of the time.... Life goes on people come and go so do thoughts in my mind.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Last night I attended a funeral of my husbands best friend. He was going through some deep financial shifts in his life. One of his joys was his home in a wonderful area close to his friends. He was having to sell it to pay off his debts. He did not see the sell of his home passing away one morning they say peacefully. He was 60 years old. They had a large buffet filled with many fine dishes and friends. He would have loved the gathering. S was a lover of fine food and conversation but also a lonely and sad man driven with compulsion. I smile thinking of him, he tried his best in life. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #003366;">
<span style="background-color: #d5a6bd; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Remember me.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #003366;">
<span style="background-color: #d5a6bd; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I will be with you in the grave<br />on the night you leave behind<br />your shop and your family.<br />When you hear my soft voice<br />echoing in your tomb,<br />you will realize<br />that you were never hidden from my eyes.<br />I am the pure awareness within your heart,<br />with you during joy and celebration,<br />suffering and despair.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #003366;">
<span style="background-color: #d5a6bd; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #003366;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Rumi</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-54568463160084977412014-09-11T09:59:00.000-07:002014-09-11T09:59:44.709-07:00If I take the time<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZy9XzaLYrT0rmayxqYlQYmF1p2BINEBD4hTZ6NTWbGtjSjyNA2XhQYemPB_uFS5NqnNT0evjZVqJ-PejDiMjjB62XK5jK8Re7NXd0j7-MuyYJ7qqIdMETJ5_dPNQ4nY3uVrPkiaME51E/s1600/Strawberrycake_1604.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZy9XzaLYrT0rmayxqYlQYmF1p2BINEBD4hTZ6NTWbGtjSjyNA2XhQYemPB_uFS5NqnNT0evjZVqJ-PejDiMjjB62XK5jK8Re7NXd0j7-MuyYJ7qqIdMETJ5_dPNQ4nY3uVrPkiaME51E/s1600/Strawberrycake_1604.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Today grateful that I wake up healthy no migraine! Living near a museum I get the chance to visit the exhibits on a regular basis. The building sits on a golf course that used to be a graveyard....bodies are still dug up on a regular basis. But what is viewed by the world is a large green playground for the golfers. It is important for me to remember not to compare my insides to other peoples outsides there is always another story under the smiles.<br />
Life has many lessons to offer if I can take the time to listen and then to have compassion for myself and others.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-73620836803497272272014-09-02T09:24:00.000-07:002014-09-02T09:24:38.399-07:00Just for todayI am grateful<br />
That I wake up to my life. I have spiritual practice, showing up and being present in Alanon.<br />
My H although difficult as it is, we are together and trying our best.<br />
Today I am turning it over to HP there is a plan in the universe, trusting it will all work out...I am not in control.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOWVl1J1qNVR37NGdCpKZ7l5BSkRkYviYfuCR5-pH4cYMaRhTX9wcLzIWLb-6zj6Jj9uLpeL-jkkQO2LB3feREzdvZ3YIl1qx5HWfi9RqvwvlZDrgOEMd5DqdAfjIDK4F5UYhokMDs-g0/s1600/IMG_6749.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOWVl1J1qNVR37NGdCpKZ7l5BSkRkYviYfuCR5-pH4cYMaRhTX9wcLzIWLb-6zj6Jj9uLpeL-jkkQO2LB3feREzdvZ3YIl1qx5HWfi9RqvwvlZDrgOEMd5DqdAfjIDK4F5UYhokMDs-g0/s1600/IMG_6749.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
Just for Today<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-84626242247695082502014-08-28T10:12:00.004-07:002014-08-28T10:12:46.852-07:00I’m not responsible for the way another feels.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR5FAqDziZCF2aaTIDWIbY3KCWg8Se4elZw9i9knOFEczefq9fcpWbc_ClFBa7KFzO26NDrADQGfIx0dkccwzc5yGchhq_9S65Rz9VGi_F0zsNJdXSgf048SUOGYoLevUQ9Oq4c_b8-N8/s1600/surf+boy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR5FAqDziZCF2aaTIDWIbY3KCWg8Se4elZw9i9knOFEczefq9fcpWbc_ClFBa7KFzO26NDrADQGfIx0dkccwzc5yGchhq_9S65Rz9VGi_F0zsNJdXSgf048SUOGYoLevUQ9Oq4c_b8-N8/s1600/surf+boy.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Balmy morning feeling slight anxiety but nothing like the past. Today is a new day full of it's own experiences I can start over at any time also if the need arises. Love this saying from the program.<br />
I may go for a walk along the beach or drive to swim where the sun is shining.<br />
Lately my work has taken over my life. I have to teach this week, shoot, work on my own project my life is full. But due to this schedule my meetings have been limited. This requires me to reach out to my sponsor and others in the program to have a meeting of sorts.<br />
<br />
H has crossed a boundary one where we have ongoing problems...His attitude in the car when he drives. How do I deal with it? Waiting till things cool down between us. Detaching with love.<br />
Remembering there are parts of my life that are working. I don't have to be consumed with his actions.<br />
I am powerless over his attitude but what I do have choices that I can make in my own life.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Tahoma, Arial, serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 21px;">“I’m not responsible for the way another feels.”</span><br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-91652129020479447982014-08-14T09:35:00.002-07:002014-08-14T09:35:35.962-07:00Feeling pretty good<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGaJZv-WRhgJfmjfsnDcIYzYwbf0mpGznFPxw9Ov-Nn5splpI7BBIHp19OClQS3R01WRdIDQJZzEpAC-Hq1c39eZch6CTTkhK-Rap_HSe6xdha9d1UjGvBX2DnMrKyJaqKAKkbV73L0AU/s1600/IMG_3221.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGaJZv-WRhgJfmjfsnDcIYzYwbf0mpGznFPxw9Ov-Nn5splpI7BBIHp19OClQS3R01WRdIDQJZzEpAC-Hq1c39eZch6CTTkhK-Rap_HSe6xdha9d1UjGvBX2DnMrKyJaqKAKkbV73L0AU/s1600/IMG_3221.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Today I woke up feeling pretty good, no obsessions. Before the program I would wake up<br />
with swirling obsessions on things I had done wrong in my life. It was painful to attach and witness this negative self talk. One tool I have learned is feelings aren't facts, I have a choice in how to deal with situations including my own negative programming. Sitting in the rooms and witnessing others being honest with themselves has helped relieve thinking I am the only one that thinks this way,<br />
having a sponsor who knows my deepest self, being of service to others, and working the steps.<br />
Having a HP of my understanding helps to turn it over, I dont have to do it alone.<br />
Still there are moments when I feel so alone and forgotten usually during the Holidays.<br />
Sitting in meditation has guided me to learn acceptance and patience toward myself and others.<br />
Some of my early day sits were very challenging watching my brian spin around and want to take me down a dusty path. Giving up the victim role.<br />
For today I am fine just where I am at. I have tools from the program.<br />
Taking it one day at a time.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-68499648132104478572014-08-13T10:23:00.003-07:002014-08-13T10:24:10.084-07:00Live in the presentToday waking up to a foggy morning. I feel a slight migraine hope it will pass. How do I take care of myself in this situation? Learning to notice how I feel is changing how I lived most of my life.<br />
In the past I ignored alot of things to keep going. In some ways this benefited me I was a Alanonic child worrying taking care of others at my expense, afraid of the future, thinking I had all the answers.<br />
But my health has taken me and screamed Hello we are here, noticing but not in an ego driven way.<br />
I like what Buddhists say we are already enlightened it's here within everyone.<br />
The day is stretching and it's time to begin my work. Nice to place a few words out there for<br />
reflection.<br />
<br />
<div style="font: 11.0px Helvetica; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">Just For Today: The slogan, “Just For Today” tells us that things are more manageable when we deal with and live in the present. Things that seem way too difficult to manage long term may seem more manageable if we deal with them just for today. We can move forward in small steps rather than be overwhelmed by trying to change everything at one time. </span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-29374267146431649542014-08-07T11:04:00.000-07:002014-08-07T11:04:40.057-07:00Character Defect List <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #4b5d67; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 15px;"></span><br />
<div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 18px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Posting this list again so helpful to have it in front of me!</strong></div>
<div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 18px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br /></strong></div>
<div style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 18px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Lydia’s Character Defect List</strong><em style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"> </strong><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><br style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></strong></em></div>
<ul style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 24px; margin-left: 9px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">anger</strong>, hatred</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">anxiety</strong> – Not as a clinical diagnosis, but as a general way of viewing things with an eye toward what is wrong, what might be wrong, what has been wrong or what is going to be wrong. Excessive worry, especially about things I cannot change.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">arrogance</strong> – Offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">closed mindedness</strong> – Contempt prior to investigation. Disregarding things and ideas just because they are new and unknown. Being unwilling to try things or follow suggestions. Failing to remain teachable. Having a mind firmly unreceptive to new ideas or arguments.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">dependency, over dependency, co dependency</strong> – Relying on others to provide for us what we ought to provide for ourselves. Feeling we must be in a relationship, or must hold on to others who want to move on. Letting others control us to an extreme due to our fear of being alone, abandoned, or independent.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">depression, pessimism</strong> – Not as a clinical condition, but as a way to generally see the dark side of things.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">dishonesty</strong> – Sins of omission and commission. Telling lies, hiding things, telling half truths or pretending something is so that isn’t. Withholding important information. Adding untrue details to stories and situations. Stealing, cheating, taking things that aren’t ours and that we aren’t entitled to.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">controlling attitude toward people, places and things</strong> – Trying to control others by manipulation, bribery, punishment, withholding things or tricking them into acting as we wish, even when we believe it is in their best interest to do so. Failing to be equal partners with others and to consider their knowledge and opinions.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">fear</strong></li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">gluttony, greed </strong>- Wanting and taking too much: food, sex, time, money, comfort, leisure, material possessions, attention, security. Acquiring things (material things, relationships, attention) at the expense of others.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">gossiping</strong> – Speaking or writing about others in a negative manner, especially to get them in trouble or to feel superior to them and bond with someone else against the target of the gossip. When I find myself talking about someone, I must pause and check out why I am mentioning their name.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">humility</strong>, a lack of humility – Feeling better than and worse than others, and being self centered.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">impatience</strong> – Being frustrated by waiting, wanting often to be some time in the future, wanting something to change or improve rather than accepting it as it is.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">intolerance</strong> – Not accepting people or things for who or what they are.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">inventory taking, being judgmenta</strong>l – Noticing and listing, out loud or to ourselves, the faults of others.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">jealousy and envy</strong> – Wanting what others have, feeling we don’t have enough or deserve more, wishing we had what others do instead of them. This applies to material possessions like houses, cars, money and such. It also applies to nonmaterial things like relationships, a nice family, children, parents, friends and partners, and fulfilling work relationships. We can envy others their looks and physical appearance, their talents and physical abilities or attributes such as thinness, tallness, sports ability or musical talent.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">laziness, procrastination, sloth</strong> – Not doing as much as is reasonable for us to do. Putting things off repeatedly. Not carrying our own load as much as we are able. Letting others provide things for us that we ought to get for ourselves.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">perfectionism</strong> – Expecting or demanding too much from ourselves or others. Treating things that aren’t perfect as not good enough. Not recognizing a good try or progress.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">prejudice</strong> – Pre-judging people based on a group they belong to. Negative feelings about someone based on their religion, race, nationality, age, disability, sexual orientation, accent, politics, economic status, physical characteristics like height, weight, hair style, clothing style, physical fitness.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">rationalization, minimizing and justifying, self-justification</strong> – Saying and/or believing I had good motives for bad behavior. Saying that I did bad things for good reasons, or that what I did really wasn’t that bad.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">resentment</strong> – The feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">rigidity and fear of change</strong></li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">self centeredness, selfishness</strong> – Spending excessive time thinking about myself. Considering myself first in situations. Not having enough regard for others or thinking about how circumstances hurt or help others. Thinking about what I can get out of situations and people, what’s in it for me? Spending too much time considering my appearance, acquiring things for myself, pampering myself, indulging myself.</li>
<li style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 14px; margin-right: 24px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"><strong style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.4em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">self pity</strong></li>
</ul>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-73251016062176178812014-07-25T09:16:00.001-07:002014-07-25T09:16:14.456-07:00I will try a different path<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg53k-T5buLwl8aFewcoVAIuU0scsWo4WmlS2ERqRtphTj_ujhPlrAq-1DnTOLV1gJN4za3m25NVf5LQMD0bfKnYNrEXLPOqsHSSn85KGzof-BixtijmkZEMzF_x3wp4mMx5BcwXypgSLc/s1600/Rust_IMG_3426.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg53k-T5buLwl8aFewcoVAIuU0scsWo4WmlS2ERqRtphTj_ujhPlrAq-1DnTOLV1gJN4za3m25NVf5LQMD0bfKnYNrEXLPOqsHSSn85KGzof-BixtijmkZEMzF_x3wp4mMx5BcwXypgSLc/s1600/Rust_IMG_3426.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Getting ready for work. Appreciate my new part time jobs. Life is full some parts are working some are not...I try to focus on what is working as my brain wants to focus on what is not working and take me into the Alanon storyline. Just for today I will try a different path.<br />
Reaching out to others in the program is part of my recovery.<br />
My sponsor is there for me and most of all I am learning to be there for myself.<br />
HP is waiting in the wings for us all.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-42285905241194257332014-07-22T10:12:00.000-07:002014-07-22T10:12:22.826-07:00Dream<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMoj9y8JKzcqLk8oCpVoEeg1pWJzTIjimuuMLh8J7_qCSRzkX8131V4PK592JizWyCL7fvZ9ZjbKCxeBM7OFbhl_SnwXofjfOp-hMqS0hOw7gnjRnyCoI7wY01Cv4zI9mFifFd9nwjcZc/s1600/IMG_0284.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMoj9y8JKzcqLk8oCpVoEeg1pWJzTIjimuuMLh8J7_qCSRzkX8131V4PK592JizWyCL7fvZ9ZjbKCxeBM7OFbhl_SnwXofjfOp-hMqS0hOw7gnjRnyCoI7wY01Cv4zI9mFifFd9nwjcZc/s1600/IMG_0284.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Feeling tired today my new teaching job is till 10p. After all the excitement I often can't get to sleep<br />
Last night I had an incredible dream. I was in a Indian Hippie restaurant wanting to leave but couldn't more events kept happening. My phone kept disappearing and I needed to make a call to Jan. It was frustrating but the people surrounding me were well intentioned. Eventually a conflict occurred between me and a group of women. They were practicing peace but were ready to do physical harm. I tried to leave to protect myself but events again got in the way.<br />
Looking for support I enlisted one of the head gurus. She guided me and things settled down.<br />
<br />
This dream says alot I have some support and opposing forces within me. Looking to the spiritual aspect like the program, it can help guide me. Things will settle in the end.<br />
<br />
My life is pretty good despite my work load these days.<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-12713249994851572332014-07-20T10:09:00.002-07:002014-07-20T10:12:17.666-07:00As far as I can tell<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvqyYoCXHVBaMypvdguhkGg8ydvZQ8H2cwSYZv4v3vC2n1ymEY1a8re9Clvi3xvwa2jQk-JVp1WAQpEpJyCcLlTWlPoc8I6LYP3qgUQjnodKkpoHqY6iy3Z0vbJvNHoxv90LiKZibwc6w/s1600/IMG_3265.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvqyYoCXHVBaMypvdguhkGg8ydvZQ8H2cwSYZv4v3vC2n1ymEY1a8re9Clvi3xvwa2jQk-JVp1WAQpEpJyCcLlTWlPoc8I6LYP3qgUQjnodKkpoHqY6iy3Z0vbJvNHoxv90LiKZibwc6w/s1600/IMG_3265.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
I live near the ruins of an old military base from WW II.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
It slowly is dissolving back into the earth, in my lifetime I am sure</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
it will still be standing but less so. Kids skate, rolling on the edge. Some </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
days I can walk there and notice the beauty of decay. Life is in constant motion.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
My program has also moved slowly. I like to imagine life is shifting back into the authentic self that is</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
waiting for me already there, Buddha nature. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
One step at a time-- HP is there waiting to hold me when I can turn it over.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Times are good right now.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-21826331574950689482014-07-18T10:04:00.004-07:002014-07-18T10:04:45.144-07:00Feelings<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhidIe7f3dagzuIyDtvzH3BrhUqzOhizmnyTsdeukZ8vQcL486z8DCWYpCHnZxyt8WpsQqalS-5-riBlFtU9JHyjAaPEpxFKwWodylvktCSba6saOS8qefZN8dnQAYQAeziKxgqwTOYn2I/s1600/195.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhidIe7f3dagzuIyDtvzH3BrhUqzOhizmnyTsdeukZ8vQcL486z8DCWYpCHnZxyt8WpsQqalS-5-riBlFtU9JHyjAaPEpxFKwWodylvktCSba6saOS8qefZN8dnQAYQAeziKxgqwTOYn2I/s1600/195.JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Foggy morning not feeling satisfied or happy...might need a break. It's difficult when working for yourself.<br />
The program is there for me but I am sinking down reminds me of a few years ago. I have been working for a long time on a project and it seems the work is taxing although we are getting results now.<br />
Putting this down on paper might be a way to put it in perspective. How do I take care of myself?<br />
Sun maybe awfully foggy in the city.<br />
Starting to feel no one cares including myself which is my old standby when things get down. The negative voices that can emerge in my head. Feelings aren't facts.<br />
Make another call to my sponsor.<br />
meditation<br />
Work the steps<br />
Self care nurture myself with attention by resting, walking, yoga.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-6838733562725273882014-07-16T09:33:00.002-07:002014-07-16T09:36:11.152-07:00Friends A visitor just left I havent seen him in 12 years, his wife was a good friend. She was killed in a tragic accident in Berlin. It was difficult to see him. I miss A still after all these years....We had so many memories we shared, Eritrea walking the streets, hiking the mountains to a remote monastery picking up an accident victim blood spilling from his head. Laughter too smiling at the absurdity of life.<br />
It was all there shared and then she was gone...and I had it all to myself no one to reminisce with.<br />
<br />
Where does my program work with this? Life is many memories learning to not get stuck in just a few.<br />
A will always be with me until I pass...She still makes me smile.<br />
One day at a time.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;">"A human being is part of a whole, called by us the 'Universe' a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." Zen </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5530363863671115603.post-49806049175516865262014-07-10T09:13:00.000-07:002014-07-10T09:15:07.080-07:00Mr LonelinessKeeping things in the moment. Began reading a blog this morning the future tripping about being sober scared her...the addict is strong and looks for moments to weaken our program. One day at a time<br />
is what I like to concentrate on otherwise the world is at odds for me.<br />
Feeling a little anxious these days needing to get to a meeting. I reach out to my sponsor but she is busy. Might need to send her an email. Keeping the communication open for me is important needing to feel the community is there in meetings on the end of a phone. If I retreat Mr Loneliness is smiling at me from dark corners, self pity is in the fridge drinking my lemonade and I am at odds with the world. The big world is spinning round despite what goes on with me...HP is here also graciously inside us all<br />
Time for work<br />
one day at at timeUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1