Emotions are habits

Today was difficult it unfolded well and then things started to turn. The morning was nice I had breakfast with Y and began to plan my day. This began the spin ...and feelings of being alone, unloved and full of despair presented it's face. When I sink into this place not much can bring me out...it's as if I sink into a hole and the more I try to get out the deeper I sink. I try and run from my feelings which makes matters worse. Detaching is key to helping relieve me of "Lourdes." She so desperately wants and clings to this suffering.

She wants to be loved and hates herself for wanting ....Attaching, Clinging She reaches out to people who are narcissistic like her mother. This is when the rejection begins..And the hole is dug deeper. Expecting situations to be different than they are. It's an expectation of what I want from my day.

There is a certain amount of compulsivity with this behavior. It is embarrassing after working such a strong program accepting where I am is acceptance and love toward myself. I reach into my toolbox but can't find the right wrench..

Alanon is my ally and teacher. Feeling better tonight searching for serenity. This too shall pass nothing remains the same.

HP has a plan for me. Learning and growing from my experiences.

Buddhism teaches

From a Buddhist point of view it is not the case that emotions “just happen”. Emotions are habits, and are actively created. It seems like they have a life of their own because we aren’t conscious of exactly how we create them. If we can bring more awareness into our emotional life then we can cultivate the emotions we want to experience (those that make us and others happy), and discourage the arising of those we don’t want (those that make us unhappy and generate conflict with others).

please see that you're already perfect in the first place, all that goes on here are experiences. you create the divison and thus the suffering

It gives me great relief to read recovery blogs and Buddhist writing.