He had rage and anger toward his ex girlfriend. Finally his sponsor got tired of hearing about this storyline and asked him to pray for her. Eventually things shifted for him toward his ex, he could think of her without rage. He considered this shift of feelings one of his first spiritual experiences.
The rage and anger I have only feeds my addiction. My neighbor is a good example of feeding the fire of resentments. They run a cabinet shop out of their home and work with toxic paint fumes. Our homes are attached when paints are sprayed in one area they spread through the walls of other homes. Day and night I would smell paint fumes, in the kitchen, bedroom, and living room.
I confronted them they lied about the paints. I began to doubt what I smelled and I didnt see the cabinets leave their home. My other neighbor confirmed seeing large cabinets leave their home at 6 am. I set up my camera taping the cabinets leave the home confirming what I smelled.
They did not stop entirely but it slowed things down. This for me was good enough but when I would see the Mrs my thoughts were steered toward rage. This is when I began to practice my program in a new way, praying for her at night. I wished her life to be peaceful and calm. The prayers took about two weeks plenty of rage was stored up but things shifted.
Eventually When she would stare at me I didnt look back at her full of revenge filled thoughts.
Things change with time, they still live next door. I wouldnt call them friends but I dont wait till they leave so I can walk out the front door of my home.
Resentment destroys the program and keeps the addiction alive. Practicing lovingkindness meditation helps keep me clear. This can shift my outlook toward life. More will be revealed as I work the program.
Gratitude
1. HP is there by my side
2. 12 steps give an depth to my experience
3. My husband is a good man glad I made a choice to try and work things out
1 comment:
Not good to have a festering resentment. It just makes me sick.
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