Taking Care of myself

Sunday this is one of the days of the week I often have a frantic feeling waking up and hoping lonliness does not creep into my day. What can I do? Who can I call? I run from feeling I will be left out and alone. When did these feelings begin?
In grade school I began to detach from my feelings and shut down this is when I also experienced lonliness.
Leaving the core of who you are is leaving yourself feeling abodnded and detached from your authentic life. I was sad as a kid
and I would walk for miles in the woods alone. This gave me alot of joy just stopping to gaze at a small river, mushrooms and walnuts laying on the ground. There was a deep relief I gained from my walks.
Today I still love to walk forget and step one foot in front of the other. No thoughts just the walk.
So I jumped into the car and left home in search of a meeting, anger began to cloak my day. Y was making me
upset he was downstair smoking I have to yell down to get any kind of acknowlegment. Y, I yell over and over throughout the day hoping he will come up and spend some time with me. He doesnt it is very upsetting for me as it is neglectful and passive aggresive behviour.
Step by step taking care of myself is one of the program calls I make.
" At some point in our recovery, most of us must confront our low self esteem. Years of abuse and neglect, not only by others but by ourselves, have left us with a poor self image. Sometimes we have to surrond ourselves with those who accept nad love us before we can learn to love ourselves."