Care

Nice day,  the sky was filled with floating  long puffy clouds. I woke up drinking a nice strong cup of tea with steamed soy. Y's mom has sent a big jar of quince jam from overseas.
She is getting old and wants Y to visit her one last time. He rarely will take vacations feeling guilty he hasnt visited her often enough. I will let Y worry for himself, HP is watching him probably from one of those long puffy clouds.
My life is getting better more solid moments of serenity. I wear my tool belt at my hip ready for action.
I still want people to love and care for me the way I want to be loved and cared for.
Lately I noticed at the end of a meeting feeling needs come up. I want things to work my way.
They dont work out like I want. This is an old pattern working from childhood. Waiting for love and care.
It just didnt come...I waited
Finally I bottomed out and got to the meetings and these feelings pop up on occasion.

1. I am powerless
I want to control and get my needs met by others.
Caring for myself is not easy sometimes.
Turning it all over