Taking Care of Buisness

Taking care of business means keeping the focus on myself. I try my best to have compassion toward myself. Negative self talk is one of my character defects which haunts me like a bad circus ride.

Recently I have gone through quite a bit of loss. This is where my program gave me the ability to have compassion toward the raging alcoholic my stepfather. H was most of the time rude, angry and a racist. My mother would speak in low whispers around him as he would listen to her every word. Often times there was a feeling of uncertainty surrounding his presence, you never knew what would happen. My mother was a victim again and H was the perpetrator. This was the same story line she had with my father. I followed her lead my father was the bad guy. My relationship with my Dad was strained although at the end of his life we did get a chance to talk. He went to AA trying his best to get sober. Although at his retirement store he did sell pot...oops he tried his best. I am still learning to accept my mother in the disease. My mother does not drink, I have never seen her drunk.

It has been difficult to care for my mother in her untreated Alanon life. There has never been much care and love from her. I get sad writing this but I do know she has done the best she can. She herself was raised by two drunks who did not work a program. What can I do about my feelings toward my Mom to take care of myself?

I go to meetings on a regular basis, work the steps, have a sponsor, and do service. Reaching out to the new person is also very important. I share my experience strength and hope. I can still have a great life whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. My happiness is up to me to take care of. I try to remember to work my 12th step turning it over to HP. I have learned to sit with my feelings and not react to others outbursts. Most of all there is a new freedom although small that has become a part of my life.

From Kevin Griffins book One Breathe at a Time

Turning our will over means that we now are clear about how we want to live, that we've committed ourselves to living skillfully and wisely. That doesn't mean we'll always succeed (far from it), but it does mean that we know what direction we want to be aimed, and when we lose our way we know how to get back. In the same way that when we are meditating and get lost in thought, when we realize that's happened, we come back to the breath, to our intention to be present. This shift of intention has a profound effect on the direction of our lives.