Monday, September 5, 2011

Conflict

Beautiful day went swimming to spend some time in the sun. When it is foggy on the coast I hop in my car drive across the bridge and hope for better weather. Not more than fifteen minutes away usually the sun is shining.
Good thing as it has been a cool summer.
My apple tree is full of crisp fruit getting ready for a harvest in a month.
The lemon tree has not fared well due to our cooler temperatures. I notice ants are also harvesting aphids on the tree. This will require some attention they are aggressive creatures.

I drove to an Alanon meeting today not a soul in the room. The next room over housed a single fella from DA we chatted for a bit. In retrospect it might have been nice to combine the meetings for an hour and share our experience strength and hope.
We both left the church I walked back to my car.

This Wednesday is my weekly AA Buddhist meeting with my sponsor. It has been nice meeting with her once a month studying both Buddhist literature along with AA.
She is teaching a happiness class which I hope to be a part of.
My home group meets on the same night as the class. Unfortunately for me as I enjoy my group but I also like to take the class. To top it all off my favorite recovery Buddhists teachers have been quarreling with each other for over six months. They have been the best of friends for over thirty years, now they pass in silence to each other in the halls.
They live two doors down from one another at the Center.
The monk wants nothing to do anymore with his dear old friend.
It saddens me to watch the disintegration. Is this what the program means?
In some ways this is where they are in their recovery I get to keep the focus off their quarrel. They obviously have an HP..But what the fuck happened to them?
Both are wonderful people who cant get along. It is like a divorce.
Nothing remains the same maybe one day it will shift.

It has helped me to read recovery literature. These days I prop up at night with Loving Kindness by Sharon Salzberg.
The difference between misery and happiness depends on what we do with our attention.
Do we in the midst of water look for something elsewhere to drink? Transformation comes from looking deeply within.

The pit in my stomach reoccurred this weekend, old feelings came into play.
It was different though the self hatred has softened. The fella is still running the race but the rules are changing. Learning to have patience with this part of who I am.

Tonight I read this quote send it out into the blogger world in cyberland

I teach one thing and only one: that is, suffering and the end of suffering.
the Buddha

1 comment:

Syd said...

Beautiful! I find that my conflicts resolve with humility and compassion. I hope that the old friends can practice what they preach.

Annie

Annie