This weekend I helped organize a social remedial party for our recovery group. We brought food to the center so we could get to know people better with a little socializing. I had a horrible migraine most of the day but took my medication so after a couple of hours was able to get out of bed. Getting the right diagnosis has helped my life tremendously.
I was in charge of bringing food, films and gear for the event. As I began to feel a little better a frantic pace took over, people were counting on me to make this event happen. The spin began but I was able to step back and not attach to my mind.
It was wonderful to be able to let go of the whirl of my mind. What would happen if I was late I thought but realized the party would go on without me.
Alanon has crept into my world making it so much more pleasant. In the past I would have berated myself for being sick. The voices are getting smaller although the spin still happens just not as loud and not has fast.
Arriving later everything, was already set up without me. What, they could perform without my help? I enjoyed myself and chatted with people that I have wanted to speak with in the past.
Many young recovery people are so together it is inspiring to listen to their stories.
As the evening progressed I went to sit near a woman I have spent time with outside the rooms.
It began with her asking where my husband was. She then progressed with more and more intimate questions. It was as if I was in a courtroom, she is an attorney. My husband rarely goes out with me as most of the time he is working. My husband is a workaholic.
I have learned to take care of myself by going to parties on my own. I ended up walking away from the woman but felt very violated. I don't have to answer every question that is posed to me. Her action might need some more work on it's own. To take care of myself in the future could mean walking away from her earlier in the question game if she continues to publicly shame me. I can feel a resentment brewing tonight I am going to pray for her and wish her well.
Sometimes I freeze in situations like the one I experienced on Saturday night. I also want to give credit to a good evening well spent with recovery friends. My lesson for last night was life has many types of experiences it is for me learning to still enjoy my times even if there is one bad event. All in all I had a good time and I am not going to let one bad event spoil the entire evening.
It is readiness of the mind that is wisdom.
Shunryu Suzuki
2 comments:
I deal with intrusive questioning this way:
"Why do you ask?"
and whatever answer is given, I respond with a non-committal, friendly, "Oh yeah."
If another intrusive question is asked after that, (which almost never happens,) I repeat the process. This allows me to shut down the questioning without feeling invaded, or becoming angry.
I am glad that the party went well. I don't want invasive questions. I don't ask those of others and wonder what the motive is of those who find my life so interesting. One of my tactics is to change the subject and simply not answer. I find that men seldom care what others are doing but women seem to want to know everything. Not being sexist, just based on empirical data. Thanks for your comments over the last few days. I appreciate it.
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