The topic tonight was step six having Hp remove our defects of character. Learning to practice gratitude is important learning to give thanks for my life. This way I can accept the healing that allows me to change and grow. By learning to to cultivate my abilities I can increasingly let go of my defects. I cling to my feelings of self doubt and my poor attitude toward myself.
Why is not important here I like to think of slowly letting go of these character defects.
Opening up to being in the moment to be patient to the mystery.
I get afraid that I will not survive. This I carry from childhood trauma. I often went to bed fearful of what was going to happen as the night fights grew louder. But I trust I have created
a life where fearing of the night is over. I am grateful with the program I live a pretty calm
life despite the turmoil that happens in my head.
Today due to a migraine I had to stay in bed. My mind began to spin with all host of negative self talk. I tried not to attach to my spin but let go of it. This horrible defect has been with me for a long time. I am trying to learn to love myself slowly it takes time to dig out years of recordings.
Acceptance, love and patience guide me along with the program and my HP.
I do believe changing my attitude can also help change my life. It is difficult to love after I had been shut down to so many feelings. It just takes time it takes time and love.
I am learning to let go of my faults and let god take care of the rest.
Alateen
"Just remain on your cushion without expecting anything.Then eventually you will resume your own true nature. That is to say your own true nature resumes itself."
Suzuki Roshi
1 comment:
I wanted so much to rush the feelings about myself. But I realize that it is important to go slowly in recovery. I have many more days now where I am patient. And when I actually like who I am.
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