Friday, May 21, 2010

Trying to change other people

It is a hot sunny day today in Connecticut, I am on vacation. I had severe anxiety beforehand, on the plane and right up to visiting a dying relative. My trip also involves going to the Omega Institute to see Pema Chodron a Buddhist lecturer. She has given me great insight into the workings of the mind and some incredible relief through her teachings.

I tried to prepare myself on what to expect with my visit to F, remembering my grandmothers last days in the hospital.
It took great effort on my part as she lives across country. I had several anxiety attacks. Practicing the program guided me through discomfort. F is still lucid but very fragile. She must weigh 80 pounds but is still feisty.

My in law took me to see her in Manhattan. My in laws argued the entire time I was with them, they act like children. It is hard for me to be around this behavior. But, I don't have to fix them which I always feel is my duty. Strange enough I feel a kind of addiction when I am around them. This is where I detach with love from them. I don't need to interfere with their problems.
I am learning the difference between help and interference this gives me a chance to examine my part in the insanity.
I limited my stay to 2 days with them and glad I created limits.

The Buddhist teachings were incredible giving me great tools to look at the workings of my mind. It was very sad to hear Pema talk of her sister in law dying of alcoholism at 48 years old. It gave me a chance to realize even with such an incredible lady as Pema as her mother in law the disease of alcoholism is sometimes fatal. It knows no class, race or sex.
Learning more, doing the footwork and letting the program guide me.

Whatever is the cause that binds is the path that liberates. The Ninth Gyalwant Karmapa

2 comments:

Kathy M. said...

Sadly, alcoholism is, indeed, fatal. My father was about 48 when he died of it. It's sobering.

I'm always grateful for the tool of detachment. It was one of the first I learned in Al-Anon. The slogan "Let Go and Let God" became a lifeline.

Take good care.

Syd said...

A great reminder that I don't have to adopt the behavior of those who aren't in a recovery program. I have the tools that keep me sane and can use them at any time.

Annie

Annie