Tuesday, March 23, 2010

More Meetings

Came home from the meeting still feeling sad, lonely and depressed. Why do these feelings follow me since I was a child? Turning this over to Hp is the choice I get to make at this moment. Meetings and phone calls are on my taking care of D list.

I get frozen by certain events and need to follow a path with fewer bumps. But life is going to have bumps. Pema Chodron says its these moments where I greatest growth lies. I am operating out of this experience anyway might as well acknowledge it.
These events have alot of power over me. I just want to throw the towel into the ring. The events have to do with a creative project working closely with my buis partner. I feel as if she is taking over the project over which annoys me to no end. Then I hate myself for not speaking up for my needs. Where do I speak up and where do i turn it over to HP? My anger is projected onto me by myself.

Monday I walked through the Zen Center thinking I might want to join up with the Monks. They will take care of me, everything will work out fine in the meditation rooms. But there are no fixes life has challenges.

LIfe is a series of experiments in which some succeed and some fail and in which failures as well as the successes point the way to fresh experiments. Just for today I might try slightly changing some pattern of behavior that repeatedly causes me problems, just to see what happens. I can learn from life and call it research. This day is all I have to work with. The past is over and tomorrow is out of my reach. I will try to remember what a great gif this day can be and make full use of it.

Gratitude
1. HP has plans for me
2. I just dont understand everything and this is OK
3. Planning to see Pema Chodron, May in NY , lucky me
4. Living by the beach these days is wonderful if I can take the time to look outside of myself

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thomas Edison once explained, as he was working on the light bulb, that he hadn't failed, he had just discovered about 10,000 things that didn't work. There's lessons in everything. I think we just need to keep plugging and figure out where we're supposed to be. Have a good one!

Syd said...

I have often felt left out but it is because I have left myself out of things. I tend to isolate and then begin to feel isolated. No wonder! I did it to myself. I too love the beach this time of year.

Annie

Annie