Loving compassion

"Hatred will never cease by Hatred." a well known phrase by the Buddha

Met with an old friend today she has given me troubles over the years.
Maybe this was the lesson she passed on by forcing me to look deeper at myself.
Opportunities for growth changing my victim attitude.

Today I had a deep chat with her regarding our friendship. I feel that at times I play the game and discount our friendship during the Holidays. This does not feel right to me working a program and trying to continue with right actions.

She mentioned she does not feel comfortable being around me when I dont drink.
I understood this but felt it this view was a cop out on other behaviors than were being acknowledged. I changed the game today talking about my feelings in a loving compassionate way.

It was enlightening she did not know how to react when I moved the perspective.
The plan is she is a perpetrator and I am the victim and vice versa. The board game is old and tiring for me today. Loving us both in an uncomfortable place feels ok for tonight.

The three roles of the Drama Triangle are the three main positions that unhappy families play as described by transactional therapist, Stephen Karpman in 1968. The three roles are Perpetrator, rescuer and Victim that operate to keep people in the illusion of power. The roles incorporate learned patterns of habit and control mechanisms that bond people together in sick ways. They are symbiotic, destructive behaviors that affect all members of the family.

Karpman drew these roles on an inverted triangle with the Persecutor (whose behavior ranges from the dominant one to the abuser in the family) and the Rescuer at the upper end of the triangle and the Victim at the bottom. The two positions at the top are considered the “one-up” positions where the people feel superior while the Victim is at the “one-down” position feeing looked down on and helplessness. The positions often shift as people change emotions to protect the ego which feels threatened. The Victim may become angry at the injustice of being persecuted, thereby shifting into the Perpetrator role. The Abuser may become tired with his angry barrage then feel guilty and shift into the rescuing role.

These roles are unconscious scripts of how unhealthy family life is played out that keep people disconnected from true intimacy. They manifest in behaviors that people engage in to distance and disconnect from each other. They are the ways people attempt to stay safe, feel important and stroke their own egos. Participating in the drama of the triangle keeps people stuck in lies, blame and shame, unhealthy secrets, “shoulds” and addictions to crisis, chaos and manipulation.