Powerless

Gratitude for what I have in my life. I concentrate on what is not working but I have much to be thankful for. Last night a woman came up to me and wanted money as I was pumping gas. I was upset she was asking at the wrong time with the wrong attitude…She looked drugged up and needing a fix. I wasn’t very kind to her trying to ignore the situation and get out of the station.

She walked away mentioning she just wanted  a pair of socks. I noticed she had a pair of white crews sticking out the top of her shoes.
Fortunately I went to a meeting and was able to welcome newcomers.
I hope to bring more compassion to those in need.

@Pema Chodren
THE PRACTICE OF TONGLEN

In order to have compassion for others, we have to have compassion for ourselves.
In particular, to care about other people who are fearful, angry, jealous, overpowered by addictions of all kinds, arrogant, proud, miserly, selfish, mean —you name it— to have compassion and to care for these people, means not to run from the pain of finding these things in ourselves. In fact, one’s whole attitude toward pain can change. Instead of fending it off and hiding from it, one could open one’s heart and allow oneself to feel that pain, feel it as something that will soften and purify us and make us far more loving and kind.

The past couple days I have been tweaked, not as bad as in the past. Just feeling sad at others not being able to show up for me. My h is in his workaholic stage working day and night. Rude and withdrawn.

I detach with love- well try to. Today I fantasized about leaving him to pay him back for making me feel so alone. I go to meetings and share. Loving myself is difficult in these Holiday situations. 

I fear he wont show up for Xmas eve dinner at a friends home. It will not be the first time he has embarrassed me. Alanon is there to embrace me.

Tonight I will write, tomorrow I hopefully will wake up and go the Zen Center.

I am powerless and will let god work magic in my life.