Day spent with an old friend from NY. She moved four years ago I still miss her presence.
We ate dinner and spoke of life. It is nice that I didn't feel enmeshed with her but could have my place and she could have her place.
As I have learned to keep the focus on myself I am paying more attention to my thoughts and feelings.
In the past I would merge with the individual thinking of their well being over my own and then get a good resentment brewing. They were supposed to take care of me when the occasion arose. They just never seemed to pay me back the way I wanted.
One particular friend always wanted rides from me. In the past I would pick her up driving her around town
because I didnt want to be alone. I was trying to fill a deep hole that was going to be filled by the other person. But this just never paned out. They often didn't pay me back in a way that I wanted so I was a victim again although they were hole fillers for me....
Today I don't expect payback the hole in my soul has been filled sometimes quickly sometimes slowly
Grateful for the program
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