Turning it over

Speaking too soon on a blog about how things were going well for me. Yesterday I was feeling productive but had a slight migraine which turned bad towards the middle of the day. I took a pill which cured the pain and this allowed me to go out to dinner with a new acquaintance. I felt fragile physically though but didn't want to let her down. We've had so many broken dinner dates. We sat outside a restaurant she suggested which was closed. I mentioned to her doesn't look like it is opening
maybe we should check the sign? We walked across the street to another restaurant.

There was an uncomfortable edge through the meal, she was high I believe. Then she mentioned a planned vacation with a good friend of mine, this vacation break was also suggested to me. I began to feel rejected, unworthy, and less than on many levels now I realize. 1. She was high and really wasn't present. 2. Maybe I shouldn't have gone when I wasn't feeling up to par. Learning to take care of myself is important. I begin to feel sorry for myself and retreat into a world of self pity. This spiral is very painful full of horrible torturing reruns. There are program tools to help guide me.

This morning writing about my night helps give me relief. Sitting in mediation might be in the works. Learning to have compassion for where I am at in recovery is healing. Turning my will and my life over to HP. We will know a new freedom and happiness. It is rewarding and difficult to wake up to my life in a new way. Turning with life a sufi dancer....

Pema Chodron

Meditation is a process of lightening up, of trusting the basic goodness of what we have and who we are, and of realizing that any wisdom that exists, exists in what we already have.


Dzigar Kongtrül: That’s quite right. Your attitude in the moment will determine whether you use the experience to manifest positive qualities or enhance your negativity.

To have positive attitudes under negative circumstances undercuts the power of the negative circumstances. Rather than falling down and then trying to get up again out of desperation, only to slip on the same thing, except harder, you can take a positive attitude toward your suffering and pain. The problem is that when you are hit with pain, it is so easy to act automatically. So, you need to go through a little bit of a withdrawal process, to learn to simply be with the experience rather than react or try to fix it. Once you get some strength to just be with the experience, then the experience of the pain will begin to lose some of its solidity and power, which gives you a chance to reorganize your whole mind. In the end, you might actually come to appreciate the pain.

This is written by a master but what it gives me is a new approach to deal with negative feelings. Feelings are not Facts.