Today I decided to check out a new meeting in my neighborhood. Unfortunately I sat between two very large men, this was uncomfortable but I stayed needing the rooms today.
I ended up seeing my florist who I liked never knowing she was one of us. This weekend I made several calls to my sponsor it was good to connect to her. She has been there for me. R made a couple of comments which brought me back into the moment.
Alanon is a good program it has helped me enormously.
H is in one of his rages working too many hours. This uncomfortable place with H is where I get to work my program. My life has changed and the way I react has shifted.
In the past I felt so responsible to make him feel better, especially about me. His big bait to engage me is verbally downgrading who I am and what a failure I am etc etc. It is sad to read this but I was given Alanon to guide me through these difficult lessons. What H thinks of me is none of my business. Love this saying because I care so much at the expense of my serenity. Being freed today of one my character defects I have compassion for myself. Sitting with myself in meditation helps me to learn acceptance. In my mind I do believe that I am responsible for his happiness. Also I can be upset with H and still love him. He is in charge of his happiness. I am but a mere mortal .......oh my
I am enjoying my night reading blogs and getting ready to listen to Buddhist lectures.
I have a HP who loves me as I am.
"He who would have beautiful roses in his garden must have beautiful roses in his heart"
1 comment:
I don't like the anger that comes but also realize that I cannot make someone else be happy. Al-Anon is a great program.
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