Sunday, November 25, 2012

What is working

Had a wonderful Thanksgiving at a friends home. It's inspiring she has entered Alanon and I enjoy talking to her about the program. I thought we would end up being closer friends but that has not happened.
Letting go of expectations and trying acceptance.
She made a wonderful soup one side parsnips the other side pepper with a cashew cream poured over the top. It was tasty. I brought Brussels sprouts and sweet potatoes.
Then we had a tofu turkey which tasted like cardboard. Not sure tofu works with everything or as a good pretender. Her neighbor brought a real Turkey.
One of my old friends...we have had a difficult friendship was alone on the holidays I brought her to the dinner. My resentments began to brew thinking back to my disappointments in our friendship.
She is not a very inclusive person. But I thought it over and decided as service to bring her along.
No one should be alone on a Holiday...or almost no one.
I seem to get disappointed with women friendships. Why? Maybe I am choosing the wrong women and trying to change them into who they could be. Or they are the right women and I need to let go of who I want them to be. Either way HP has a plan for all this and I dont have to figure it out tonight.
I did have a serene peaceful feelings despite of what was not working. Lately I try to focus on what is working....

From: Courage to Change. One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II
Al-Anon Family Groups Inc. Page 2.

Turning to an alcoholic for affection and support can be like going to a hardware store for bread. Perhaps we expect a "good" parent to nurture and support our feelings, or a "loving" spouse to comfort and hold us when we are afraid, or a "caring" child to want to pitch in when we are ill or overwhelmed. While these loved ones may not meet our expectations, it is our expectations, not our loved ones, that have let us down.

Love is expressed in many ways, and those affected by alcoholism may not be able to express it the way we would like. But we can try to recognize love whenever and however it is offered. When it is not, we don't hve to feel deprived; most of us find an unfailing source of love in Al-Anon. With the encouragement and support of others, we learn to treat our needs as important and apppropriate and to treat ourselves as deserving.

Todays Reminder
Today the alcoholic may or may not be able to give us what we desire and no one person will ever offer all that we require. If we stop insisting that our needs be met according to our will, we may discover that all the love and support we need is already at our fingertips.

"In Al-Anon I discover in myself the power to throw new light on a seemingly hopeless situation. I learn I must use this power, not to change the alcoholic, over whom I am powerless, but to overcome my own distorted ideas and attitudes.
One Day at a Time in Al-Anon

Please share on expectations or anything else that is on your mind this week.

1 comment:

Syd said...

No real expectations. Today is our anniversary so we are going to lunch and a movie. Just a day of quiet.

Regarding friendships, I have had to lower expectations and take what I like and leave the rest. It has helped a lot.