Rainy night hopped into my car for and Alanon meeting. Not many ladies showed up but the meeting gave me comfort despite the down turned mouths. I often think the meeting is a safe place to talk of my secrets, some of these hidden places are filled with grief. They pour out in small streams using the program language, 12 steps, and tears. It is a relief to have such a space to feel safe and held.
Woke up this morning with some spin of my unworthiness. These are not new feelings they are old old places when I was a kid. Why couldn't I make everyone's life better it must be my fault. I am unworthy and I thrashed myself with deep cerebral jabs.
Today it left and I tried to detach with love.
Loving myself in my discomfort. HP has a plan.
Despite this small set back my life seems pretty good.
Grateful
1. For my life
2. forgiveness for my character defects
3. working a program to the best of my ability
4. I dont have to figure it all out
5. carrot soup with ginger and a splash of cream
1 comment:
Some days, I am just "off". And as I inventory it, I find that the old feelings resurface from a triggering of some deep memory. When I get back into gratitude and to today, I am much better.
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