When I arrived home my sponsor called me back I didn't want to answer the phone but I did anyway. I try to answer calls when I can it keeps me showing up and not avoiding.
I gave her the rundown on my character defect " negative self talk." This record plays far less than it had in the past but the music still spins in my head. I have to say it is painful to wake up to it some mornings and today was one of the bad days. In the past I would have spun with it deeper and invited this conversation to stay a while.
Today it lasted a few hours. As the day progressed the voice was quieter, I sat and even meditated for ten minutes. Not running from my feelings is progress. Compassion for where I am at is healing.
It is only when we begin to relax with ourselves as we are that meditation becomes a transformative process. When we relate with ourselves without moralizing, without harshness, without deception, we finally let go of harmful patterns. Without maitri, renunciation of old habits becomes abusive. This is an important point. Pema Chodron
1 comment:
yes I can relate to this one :) so easy to become at odds with whatever 'defect' shows up, instead of accepting it blamelessly, and trying to do the next right thing..
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