Forgiveness

Beautiful day today spent my morning at the Zen Center in the country.
Full sun along the beach, tilled fields and hopes of salmon spawning in the creek that runs from the ocean.
Lots of effort is spent for the fish to come back again.
I enjoyed spending time with an old friend and confessing some of my character defects.
Wanting my mother to wake up and become the woman I envision. This awakening 
will mostly not happen and needing to keep the focus on my life. My job was to care take her needs and forget my own needs. Today I have choices and the ability to have compassion for both of us.
I search for compassion toward her. 
Grateful for a  warm friend today who was there for me when I needed a kind word.

My old feelings of loneliness are popping up here and there. This is part of my disease.
Going to meetings, calling my sponsor, and reaching out the newcomer. I forget sometimes to reach out
to the newcomer I was needing a kind word when I first arrived.

When you forgive me for harming you, you decide not to retaliate, to seek no revenge. You don’t have to like me. You simply unburden yourself of the weight of resentment and cut the cycle of retribution that would otherwise keep us ensnarled in an ugly samsaric wrestling match. This is a gift you can give us both, totally on your own, without my having to know or understand what you’ve done. Buddhist thought