Compassion

Feel gratitude tonight. Old feelings came up for me regarding loneliness. This feeling  might stay till I leave this planet. I try to run from the deep well do whatever I can to change what I feel. Force does not change where I am at.  Reaching out today was so difficult  a phone call could not be made for several hours. I foretold they would see my suffering and not be there for me. This is  an old story that I carry with me.
I did eventually make a call to and old friend in the program. She was there for me I revealed my secrets.
No one cares I felt.
But accepting others where they are at is also part of my disease. Wanting them to care for me instead of caring for myself. The disease of Alanon. Others do try their best I believe I can not make them take care of me. It is my disease rearing it's head.
Gratitude and compassion for where I am at.

Meeting with my Buddhist teacher today. She sat looking deeply inside of me. Often this makes me extremely uncomfortable. Turning it over for tonight.
God has a plan for me and the rest of the world.