Dharma

Came home from a wonderful Dharma talk regarding insight meditation in prisons. I was emotionally touched and wanted to bolt but I stuck with the talk. In my youth my father would bring home ex convicts to live with us. I would hear there stories of growing up poor, violence and comments of wouldn't I like to write a book about their lives? One particular man still is a big part of my memory M. He was  a very confused man a raging alcoholic but also kind and loving. I wonder how he could have benefited from a program like the Insight Prison Project. Loving Kindness goes out to M and my father who was always trying to save others at the expense of his serenity.

He is the Founding Director of the Insight Prison Project (IPP), a non-profit that since 1998 pioneers innovative in-prison rehabilitation programs and serves as a catalyst for state-wide prison reform in California. IPP teaches 18 weekly classes in San Quentin, offers trainings and is a consultant for the US State Department on rehabilitation issues. Currently, Jacques is leading a new initiative called 'Insight Out' wherein former prisoners trained by IPP act as Change Agents in the community, working with youth in Richmond and Oakland to prevent violence and incarceration.

May all beings be happy may they live in peace and harmony

Kindness

Short-story writer and MacArthur Grant Fellow George Saunders gave a speech earlier this year at the graduation ceremony for students at Syracuse University, advising them to “try to be kinder.” Here are the highlights from his speech, from a transcript Saunders sent to the New York Times:

On his regrets:

So here’s something I know to be true, although it’s a little corny, and I don’t quite know what to do with it:

What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness. 

Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded…sensibly.  Reservedly.  Mildly….It’s a little facile, maybe, and certainly hard to implement, but I’d say, as a goal in life, you could do worse than: Try to be kinder

The more present I am for myself the better able I can respond with more kindness
Working a program showing up for this precious life

BIL

My relatives are here and it has caused a great upset in our family. I am trying to work my program and turn it over but not be a door mat.
My Y does not speak up for himself but maybe it's good he doesn't buy into their problem.
But I do believe that at times when you are being verbally abused to walk away to take care of yourself.
We are not seeing them. It makes me sad that we don't get along and I am angry at them for their rude constant behavior. What do I do to take care of myself? Go to meetings, call my sponsor, nurture myself.
Set a boundary. I will not sit and listen to my BIL when he begins his rude comments. If he begins I will leave the room or go home.
I am grateful for my recovery tonight I can still sit with some serenity despite being very upset with BIL.

Love of self

Home from a mediation meeting. It was nice to sit in a room full of silence with strangers. There is a trust that develops with mediation practice. Learning to sit with monkey mind and detach with love.
Love of self and from this arises love for others.
It is so important to do service reach out to others still suffering.
Life is suffering it is how we deal with this suffering that sets us free.

Powerless

Came home from meeting up with my best friends neighbor. I  learned that my dear friend has been drinking and lying to me. She is in the program but drinks. It hurt me she is a loving caring person who is struggling.
 I want her to be sober but she might not be ready to show up for herself. Every day she is at a meeting.

I thank my program and HP that today I didn't have to take a drink. It's been almost 6 years now.

Powerless over the addiction. HP has a plan for M.

Her recovery is absolutely none of my business. Your business is you.  Your drinking (or not), is none of her business, her drinking is none of yours. She is a grown person.

Community

Beautiful day today went to the Zen Farm for a dharma talk. It brings me deep serenity to sit with myself and join others as they sit with themselves.  Today I heard something that touched me deeply.
When my teacher went to study with the head of the Zen Center he was told we are there for you.
It made me cry.  Reaching out and having a community to support you.

This is also an important point in Alanon for me.There is a community for me to reach into for support and guidance. I can reach out to my sponsor. If my sponsor is not available I continue to reach out and more than likely someone will be there for me. I also am available to others in the program.
 I have learned how to be there for myself.
One of my biggest gifts is loving in a deeper way. More feelings are born as I show up for myself.

I am thinking of my friend who is lying about her drinking. She is suffering.
Loving her for where she is right now with the disease.

• Do not try to become anything.
  Do not make yourself into anything.
  Do not be a meditator.
  Do not become enlightened.
  When you sit, let it be.
  What you walk, let it be.
  Grasp at nothing.
  Resist nothing.
  • Ajahn Chah

Compassion

Feel gratitude tonight. Old feelings came up for me regarding loneliness. This feeling  might stay till I leave this planet. I try to run from the deep well do whatever I can to change what I feel. Force does not change where I am at.  Reaching out today was so difficult  a phone call could not be made for several hours. I foretold they would see my suffering and not be there for me. This is  an old story that I carry with me.
I did eventually make a call to and old friend in the program. She was there for me I revealed my secrets.
No one cares I felt.
But accepting others where they are at is also part of my disease. Wanting them to care for me instead of caring for myself. The disease of Alanon. Others do try their best I believe I can not make them take care of me. It is my disease rearing it's head.
Gratitude and compassion for where I am at.

Meeting with my Buddhist teacher today. She sat looking deeply inside of me. Often this makes me extremely uncomfortable. Turning it over for tonight.
God has a plan for me and the rest of the world.