The world has it's own magic

Went to an insightful film tonight "Another Earth." I was moved by the storyline which took me deeper into concepts of personal exploration. The idea of perceptions, having to let go to become more aware, illusions, being able to look at who you are with an objective lens, these were just a few of the ideas I gathered up in a bundle. At times I feel as if I comprehend a new way of looking at the world. This knowing is brief. Building up my moments helps guide me through the trouble times.

My storyline is held together by past events that i cling to as my life. But i do know there are promises of the program, the unraveling is slow...a new freedom and happiness.

Underneath it all is a where understanding, acceptance and serenity rest.

Going to Alanon meetings allows me to deal with my disease. If I can stay present life seems to feel much better.

Suzuki-roshi says: "The world is its own magic"—

One Day at a Time

Let Go

Just trying to keep it simple today. Don't feel I had better attend my Alanon meeting tonight.

Taking care of myself means being mindful of how I feel physically also.

This regular Tuesaday meeting that I loved in the past is becoming a challenge for me. One particular member who has 24 years in the rooms regularly declares she has not worked a step.

Just last week she declared again that she hasn't worked a step.

Her partner does work the steps ? They are cornerstones of this one particular meeting.

I have spoken to my Sponsor about my issue with this particular person. I have not revealed her name to anyone nor will I.

I keep reminding myself, "Principals before personalities".

She is leading the group but not working a program. I count on the rooms to guide me. It is difficult to trust in some situations.

Am I attaching to this one particular situation that does not work to distance myself from the rooms? I do attend several meetings during the week.

I will sit with the discomfort and watch myself around this issue. Maybe I will find another meeting to attend. I do have choices around this problem. Keeping the focus on myself and not attaching to her problem will be a big lesson for me.I am powerless over her recovery program.

This is where I turn it over to my HP and meditate.

Let Go and Let God

3 c's

Wonderful hike today with friends. I stayed at home for half of the day then made a phone call to friends. They suggested a hike I decided to take care of myself I left and let Y have his time at home working. He mentioned I work with him on a project. His need to work seven days a week is not my choice on how I want to spend my Sunday. Instead I hiked a beautiful trail with friends in the mountains. I tried my best to detach with love from Y. Turning my will and my life over to the care of HP as I understand. Trying to keep the focus on me helps the whole situation. What can I do to take care of myself in the moment.

In the past I felt responsible for his workaholic choices. What had I done to cause our relationship to suffer? Everything was my fault.

Lately I again notice some anger arise toward him regarding his constant need to work. I don't have to fix him is one of my mantras. He complains constantly about his employees and his life. I get sad when I hear about his anxiety. He has a HP just as I do. I begin the vigilant watch over his behavior. He calls me a cop and it might be true. I am watching him to do something wrong so I can vent. This gives me a chance to release steam that has been built up.

The three c's

Didn't cause it, can’t cure it, and can’t control it. We begin to learn the basic Al-Anon premise of taking our focus off of the alcoholic and keeping the focus on ourselves.

Sitting in meditation helps me take care of myself. Having a meditation program is a tool I can take with me wherever I go.

Valuable

Today the sky was filled with fog..I woke up a little frantic, sad, with feelings of loneliness as time progressed it lifted. These feelings used to be common for me each weekend was to be endured.

With time some of my character defects have lifted. No longer must we each depend on our own unsteady will power. Turning my life over to HP on a daily basis allows my world to unfold just as it's supposed to.

I walked in my new shoes to the Asian Art Museum to see an exhibit. It was nice to take care of myself without expecting others to fill me up. What a difficult position to put others in as I

have in the past. I made a phone call to my sponsor but she was in a retreat and unable to answer. Things ended up being just fine I listened to museum guided walks.

Having gratitude also is a good reminder of what I do have in my life. In so many ways I am grateful ... There are many women who struggle in the world for a simple glass of water. I take it for granted that tomorrow will be fresh safe water to drink flowing out the tap.

Alanon has given me many gifts. Tonight I have some serenity and realize one day at a time works for me.

" I am learning to treat myself as valuable. I find that when I practice long enough I begin to believe it."

In All Our Affairs

Counting Breath

When the student is ready the teacher appears. Zen Buddhist

In meditation I sit and try not to attach to all the story lines that whirl through my mind. Tonight I couldn't relax. This used to be a constant state of being for me.

Not attaching to my feelings is freeing, it's a shift of how I am in the world.

This allows me to stay in the present, when this happens I feel peaceful.

Counting my breaths helps to keep my focus.

From one to ten.

This moment is all I have, the past and the present are gone..

So I would propose a very simple practice to you, the practice of mindful breathing: "Breathing--I know that I am breathing in; breathing--I know that I am breathing out." If you do that with a little concentration, then you will be able to really be there, because in our daily life our mind and our body are rarely together. Our body might be there, but our mind is somewhere else. Maybe you are lost in regrets about the past, maybe in worries about the future, or else you are preoccupied with your plans, with anger or with jealousy. And so your mind is not really there with your body.
Between the mind and the body, there is something that can serve as a bridge. The moment you begin to practice mindful breathing, your body and your mind begin to come together with one another. It takes only 10 to 20 seconds to accomplish this miracle called oneness of body and mind. With mindful breathing, you can bring body and mind together in the present moment, and every one of us can do it, even a child.

Peace

Today I felt ill at ease, sad really. A dear friend's husband passed away after a long battle with cancer. They live down the street, I have dropped by spending time with her family.

Such sadness fills her eyes. She has many friends stop by during the day dropping off food.

Her brothers in law have surrounded her. I watch them down cocktails on every visit.

They look so well put together why do they need to drink so much?

This is where I keep the focus on myself. What they do is none of my business.

It saddens me to think they have to check out in life.

With my sadness it is a good opportunity to become more mindful. Watch where I try to hide out when feelings come up for me.

Recently I looked up the word Equanimity which is often used in Buddhist teachings.

Equanimity is a state of mental or emotional stability or composure arising from a deep awareness and acceptance of the present moment.

Just for today I will try to be present and not run from my feelings.

No one can bring your peace but yourself.

Emerson